tonight i will pop the pill and sleep.
i dont care anymore if i become overly reliant on it because i'd rather be than have to go through the same night all over again. suffocating and nauseating and unbelievably slow.
breathe.
i wish i could just.
Perhaps this is what we need. A dream, a hope for the future, something to aspire to, and perhaps we need to keep replacing this dream with something a little bigger because when we manage to fulfill the dream, we usually find that it's not what we wanted in the first place. Or if it is, it doesn't feel the way we always thought it should. Sometimes, if you're very mixed up, very stupid, or very thoughtless, you screw up the dream just as you get it. You tell yourself you don't deserve it, and you have to start all over again.
