you rock my world upside down.
12:07 AM
but of course i didnt and will never forget you.. :D
PS. I Love You...more than anyone esle ever <3
Angeline
12:02 AM
TO MY DARLINGFOR ALWAYS PUTTING UP WITH MY NONSENSE
FOR ALWAYS HAVING TO WAIT FOR THE LATECOMERS
FOR ALWAYS GIVING WITHOUT COMPLAINS
FOR BEING THE BEST FRIEND
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I LOVE YOU ANGELINE TAN YANLING!
ponstar.
1:52 PM
i feel so bad ponning today :(
i missed GP imagine all the impt stuff she talked about
and today got Mardi Gras rehearsal and im not going
i havent even touched the song yet cause i didnt go during the hols
how now brown cow
i must complete my work today
to compensate for my loss due to my stupid decision of not going to school
to think i slept early last night. at 11.40pm.
screw.
Like a Rose
11:20 PM
Like A Rose
And as I look into your eyes
I see an angel in disguise
Sent from God above
For me to love
To hold and idolise
And as I hold your body near
I'll see this month through to a year
And then forever on
Til life is gone
I'll keep your loving near
And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten up my load
You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose
And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
There's something new
To keep our loving strong
I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how you'll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears
---------------------------------------------------
had gelare today :D satisfaction.
serious lack of sleep lately
wouldnt have gone to school today if not for the GP project
but it's worth it :D cause she said it's v good WOOT
she said a lot of effort put in some more OK. LOL. funny..
-----------------------------------------------------
as easy as it sounded
it's not.
isnt easy to quit being negative
i cant do it alone.
am i starting to suppress again?
hope not. does more harm than good to all.
gonna sleep early.
why waste time thinking of these and that.
hur.
11:26 PM
LITTLE THINGS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
learn it.
when negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings are suppressed too.
goodbye negativity. ill try everything to make you vanish. haha.
time to get back to who you used to be.
unbroken and unharmed.
bye!
watch the clock now chock full of hypocrisy
11:47 PM
i cant believe i just said all that
lol the sarcasm did you sense it?
well you know what
i dont give a damn anymore
because i am so bloody tired and sick of everything
why should i bother about being RIGHT while others are out there acting and trying to get all the sympathy points
but of course i dont wanna become like that and end up being disgusted at myself
so that's all i will say
whether you read between the lines (or maybe you dont even have to) or just look at it simply
i wont say no more
i hope. unless im angered again...who knows..lol.
what would happen? hahaha
i can almost imagine it.
so i SHUT UP.
also cause i dont wanna ever be blinded by my anger.
9:08 PM
failed outing today. haha.
i dont wanna attend school.
anyway what i said bout FOREVER 21 being thoughtful. actually if ppl were allowed to try 10 pieces then the queue would be super long. ya so my bad. lol i told my mum this when my mum said this but dunno why that didnt cross my mind when typing. bah.
i watched hong dou nu zhi lian till 330 am last night. and i thought why be angry when you think about it? HAO XIN YOU HAO BAO. yes :D what im trying to say is just. retribution will come :D
when the girl told the slut "hao xin you hao bao" it was so SHIOK! Muahahha.
ok bye.
GUESS
9:53 PM
retail therapy!
i LOVE my new watch. :D it's gorgeous!!! GUESS :D
i cant find the pic of the watch from the web to show it off. LOL.
maybe it's too new? haha
FOREVER 21 is so messy! they have so many stuff and only allow max 5 pieces into the changing rooms. how thoughtful.
hrmm but the shoppers arent v nice either. they just leave the unwanted clothes anywhere they please. so i guess we're equal. lol. nono not WE, i dont do that. :)
had my FAV. teppan yaki :D today i saw the largest amount of DAO GAY (bean sprouts) served. and i happened to be that lucky person getting them. SO MUCH OK. whatever's left after he distributed them he just gimme. normally i would secretly hope he gives them to me cause im v greedy. but today was just too much! he gave me twice. my first reaction..i said to my mum "how?" lol. i think the guy next to me must be damn jealous cause he kept commenting he's very hungry. muahaha. i was really full but i didnt want to disappoint the chef so i finished them all. :D
KBOX tmr :D
i havent done anything constructive this hols except for the large organic mindmap.
cheers :D
i am so dead.
i love LAX :D
10:23 PM
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LAX :D
rollerbladed today! :D I LOVE LAX. i never thought i could feel so good today. hee LAXLAXLAX!
my shades spoilt. :( hais. suay jiu shi suay. lol.
in case people are getting irritated thinking why i havent gotten over it
im talking about a different thing here.
i think MIKE SHINODA is such a cool name. and it's AKA Michael Kenji Shinoda. i really love his name. i shall name my son SHINODA. "SHINODA! GO KICK THAT STUPID BITCH'S ASS FOR MAMA!" SO COOL. the name itself is threatening enough. sounds like a karate black belt handsome. all the girls will be swooning over him, fainting at his feet. and he wouldnt give a shit about them. lol. ok maybe help them up since he's actually a very nice guy. then maybe i can name the other son KENJI. "KENJI, let's go watch Nanny Mcphee with mama. " and i will flash the most loving smile ever. (wahahaha that sounds bloody retarded. but the nanny mcphee stickers are screaming right in front of me to add them in....so...) he'll be so cultured and civilised and bloody intelligent and of course, DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. 2 gorgeous kids with extreme personalities. awwww. but hrmm i dont want 2 sons. :S imagine the horror. who will go shopping with me?! i want a lovely sweet beautiful attractive intelligent talented cool SIZZLING HOT girl. a head turner. she'll make a perfect daughter friend girlfriend and wife. :D
&..lindsay lohan is so so pretty!
SIGH.
tralalalala
i am forgotten
tralalalala
goodie bye bye bye
tralalalala
ever fear getting blind?
my desperate cry for help. but you'll never see this title.
1:03 PM
if you saw or heard how i spent the whole night
will your heart ache or break for me?
or will you just think it's god-damn-it unreasonable and unjustified.
haha.
it's funny how im not even sure anymore
again.
thinking about it. it's all so funny.
haha.
unbearable pain
2:20 AM
save yourself.
nevermind that you're ripped apart
nevermind the unbearable pain
nevermind being cast away
nevermind being on your own
you have only you and you alone left to help yourself.
now please go to sleep.
but i really cant sleep.
help.
it's so late i cant find anyone to talk to
but remember..help yourself.
torn apart
10:53 PM
i wonder..
if people ask you about me?
ask..
how is xy doing? is she ok? why she seem so sad? talk more to her. take care of her. ask her not to think too much. no depression or what shit ya?i wonder..
but why would anyone really bother?
i am so mean and evil and rude and intolerant.
i am so tired.
so tired.
so tired.
am no saint...
9:36 PM
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone
silent scream
8:17 PM
silent scream
and you feel a pain so deep within
that try as you might
you cant possibly vent them all out
it's like slashing on the same cut over and over again
tearing open the wound to bleed for the billionth time
you are beyond repair.
yes, i can feel my innermost cry.
and bleed.
and die.
5:41 PM
and my heart is breaking in front of me..it's ok..
it's ok..
incomplete
4:00 PM
guess i'll most probably have to stay home this saturday? haha
thursday night. i had a dream.
i dreamt that jonathan didnt die. he was saved.
haha.
anyway i am fine.
nobody worry about me please.
but also thanks for the concerns anyway. :)
bie shuo dui bu qi, bie rang wo shang le xin cai shuo bu shi gu yi..
shattered
9:56 PM
i cannot cry. because i know that's weakness in your eyes.
im forced to fake. a smile. a laugh..everyday of my life
my heart cant possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start with..
had a big fight with my parents last night. haha. crying without explaining is not even allowed anymore. went to school looking drastic. but i dont care. no im serious i really dont.
the march holidays are coming. and yes guess what. i dont care either. it probably wont make much difference cept for being able to sleep till noon.
i am so down. but i dont think you know. but it's ok. i said i can do this on my own. and i will.
thanks zhenhui for the surprise tiramisu delivered.
and thanks angeline for the hug. haha. funny. i didnt ask for one and i just kept hugging her.
my tears would have flowed down fast and freely if i hadnt stop them. imagine crying in class. LOL. nah even if i did i wouldnt let anyone know.
so formal. & so distant.
why the ever so familiar feelings
i am lost and helpless
once again
dont bother...
10:06 PM
wake me up when march ends
it's ok i can do this on my own.
but i need a hug.
just one will do.
wake me up when september ends
7:41 PM
why did you have to go?
i am so frustrated so down so distracted. i think i havent really accepted the fact that you're gone. forever. the loss, the slow painful death. it's so heartwrenching. hurts so bad. these few mornings i wake up to reality, reminding myself that you're really gone. & i just lied in bed, refused to let life go on. but it's all over, there's nothing left to be done.
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
Never again no
No never again
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
hrm this the first song you sent me? i cant really remember. just you used to tell me about this song. you were so nice so sweet so funny. the first time i talked to you on the phone i couldnt even catch what you were saying. you bought me BK for breakfast. i thought the way you held fries was really nice. haha. watched duplex. & i lost the ticket just by walking from the ticket booth to the entrance of the cinema. waited for me the whole day during my competition. carried my ZR around for me. and all the cafe cartel and mac jokes. got asked during co interview "heard a lot of girls like you, what do you think about it?" HAHA. & always getting caught by kiw just like me lol. getting into trouble with ttk but got off so easily. lucky shit. even bluffed me cause it was april's fool and i really got fooled.
but why so foolish now. where did you get all that courage from
maybe it's really better for you. nobody will ever know.
& if it is. take care.
you'll always be loved and missed.
& never. ever forgotten.
3/3/2006.
-------------------------------------------------------------
i think i might be falling sick. been having headaches lately and 've been coughing. and my heart pumps so fast i dont know why. longyu says grieve? my memory is failing me. i cant seem to remember what i said just a moment ago.
i climbed home again today. for the 3rd time. what is so wrong with that dumb gate?
it's so hard to deal with. esp when you're alone.
i dont wanna come home to an empty house...
sinking in.
R.I.P
11:17 PM
Jonathan.. Rest.In.Peace
TO MY DARLING
And as I look into your eyes
