drained.
9:57 PM

i was ok
i handled it well
i was in control
with every second spent wasted
i will lose it
and we both know
it does no good at all.
------------------------------------------------
had co for 3 consecutive days
im so tired now
i hate school.
ok maybe not hate.
i just wish i dont have to attend it
i hate tutorials.
i rather have co for the whole day
i am tired.
i dont even listen to songs anymore
how so
just sick. sick of everything.
i will flunk the econs test tomorrow
simply because i have no intention to study hard for it
and i am tired. an excuse because who's not
but still whatever alright.
such a disappointment.
numb.

10:49 PM
She starts crying.Not the kind of tears that are meant to blackmail you.Not the kind of tears that are meant to make you back down, change your mind or offer concessions.Not the kind of tears that are meant to make you give in about dinner.Just tears.

12:52 AM
i cooked instant noodles for my dad
and i was more than willing to do it
possibly cause my relationship with daddy hasnt been great lately
yup so it's all good.
went out with less than three bucks today.
so broke i cried.
haha nah jk.
yea i wasnt feeling great
but thanks to longyu as always :)
angeline cheer up cheerup
need anyone to talk to im always here
at night. haha hugs :)
goodnight world

27/30 :D!
7:10 PM
i pon swimming again
muahahhaha nothing surprising
akdfhkjadhfkjasd
i dont wanna study for chem test!!! :(
had gelare wheee~
loves it!
and now im waiting for my sushii
sushi sushi sushi
oh almost forgot
I AM SO BLOODY HAPPY!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I TOPPED THE CLASS FOR MATH TEST!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHA :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
ahhahahhahahahha so merrily happyyyyyy
joy to the world~!

:D
11:37 PM
i am here to tell the whole world
i am a very happy girl on the weekends! :D
ahaha so dont worry
thanks :)
swimming again tomorrow
chem test on tue
studied a bit
but slept through my whole evening and night
im going to sleep again now
mental fatigue
saturday was a great day :D
if only everyday's a saturday
sigh
back to school.

yao ku jiu zi ji duo qi lai ku.
9:47 PM
wo bu hui zai deng le.
no replies for real.
forget it.
only shows how unimportant
yao ku jiu zi ji duo qi lai ku.

Swing Swing
11:08 PM
Days swiftly come and go.I'm dreaming of herShe's seeing other guysEmotions they stirThe sun is gone.The nights are longAnd I am left while the tears fall.Did you think that I would cry,on the phone?Do you know what it feels like,being alone?I'll find someone newSwing, Swing, Swing from the tangles ofMy heart is crushed by a former loveCan you help me find a wayTo carry on again.Wish cast into the skyI'm moving onSweet beginnings do ariseShe knows I was wrongThe notes are old,They bend, they foldand so do I to a new love.Bury me(you thought your problems were gone)Carry me(away. away, away...)im sorry.math test on wed
havent studied
what a disappointment
if we were to face each other for a full 24 hours a day
what would we say to each other?
the silence is too deafening
it's screaming at me "look how it's failing"
wouldnt it be nice to be able to disappear for a whileit's all starting to come back again
yes again. what the hell
how long has it been only,
that i made up my mind to get rid of negativities
why cant i....stop...
& my phone is ridiculously silent.
bu xiang zai deng le.the best way to console someone is to open up
tell her what you've gone through
how bitter you feel
& she'll think "he must be hurting more than me. & if he can live in all these pain why cant i?"
but it depends i guess
when youre ripped apart with the heart crushed so cleanly
how do you think so rationally/saintfully
you're enveloped throrougly in pain
maybe all you need is some assurance some sweet nothings
and some time to immerse yourself in the pain
rather than having to think so much
gwad this song is so distracting.
it's been a month
im thinking again
you must have hurt so badly
much more than i did
i knew but i couldnt ignore the pain accumulated
i couldnt take it.
the wrenching of my heart caused by overwhelming pain.
i tried. i really tried.
& i waited. for as long as i could.
im sorry
haha overdue apology
i was thinking yesterday
what would i do without LAX? (yes again.)
i really love my friends
my life would be a failure without them
who can i turn to? to rely on? to call in the middle of the nights?
i love LAX.
forever.
zh's gone to NS. haha
the impact is showing
i dont even appear online alr! HAHA
and also cause stupid ly is never online
queer.
enjoy NS! see the beauty of it wahaha.
ciao
im sorry. (to you and you.)

Is it you?
9:56 PM
Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
ripped it off angeline's blog.
pretty nice yea? haha.
today the lovely rain came again!
once again my saviour
obviously everyone thought heats was postponed again
but wow they held it at 5
what.....i saw the sms only at 6+ so yes we didnt go for it
YES NOW IT'S O-V-E-R!
phew~ hahaha
time to go catch CSI.
sorry for the pretty scurrilous post last night
i wasnt feeling right.

9:40 PM
Just for fun :)
Rules!
1. BOLD the following words that are true about you,
2. ITALIC the things you wish were true, (colouring them is too troublesome haha)
3. add one thing true about you,
4. and then tag onetwothreefourFIVE more people.
I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.(Still in one- LAX..haha yupyup :D)
I've been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (ok maybe a little)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic. (depends on the situation really.)
I have alot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have. (according to some friends)
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single!
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (mummy?)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (next 6 months maybe.. when I am legally 18)
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (quite.)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergy to anything. (think so? but my ear infection..counted?)
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have made a move a friend's significant past or crush in the past.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
i love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.I am punk rockish.I am preppy.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone i've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who i am now. (depends)
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I am plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.(ok but not that expert. )
I worked at MacDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (i know)
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I have riden an elephant. (eh think so)
I love chocolates and crowns!
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons
I can't ride a bicycle.
i have/have tried to cut myself.
i think i'm the only person crazy enough to do this at 6 in the morning without any sleep for the night.
i feel crazy.
i love tomatoes!!
i like peanut butter on bananas
Been told "you're on fire!".
I'm a netballer.
I believe in Serendipity.
I think the word 'RASPBERRY' is sexaaay!
GIRLFRIENDS ARE LOVE!!
I like to sleep in a neatly made bed.
i blush
I loooooove cats (so i dont have to look out for them wherever i go. and have nightmares on them. URK.)
I want to travel around the world to take great pictures.
I want to score so damn well for A Levels. (LOL. provided that i work hard...-_-)

11:13 PM
BLAME.
can i find someone to blame?
can i blame you?
the incessant rain was my saviour today.
there was 100m heats and i didnt wear suitable shoes or bring my pe attire
and of course i didnt feel like running
later last how? lol. bah choy.
im in a lousy mood.
damn it.
I dont feel it alright?
I DONT FUCKING FEEL IT.
no nothing. these are but all just for show.
hur.
FUCK.
ive become so hypersensitive to every single thing
and it's so damn tiring to live this way
i havent been doing ANY work at all lately
i look forward to NOTHING AT ALL
HATRED RAGE NEGATIVITY INSECURITY
engulfed me once more.
ARGH.
i rather not speak
who knows what would my caustic replies lead to?
every single glance went unnoticed
i need so much more attention than what you could ever give
there's always this image forming in my mind
of silent screams and futile cries
it's all twisted within
devoid of lasting joy
and the tears, permanently inked onto the picture
distress.
what happens when you become the main source of her pain?

7:01 PM
