cause you're a god
1:46 AM
and i am not.cant remember the last time i struggled so long with self issues.
i dont think i ever did feel so useless for such a long time before.
im tired of being a jack of all trades, master of none.
i have a problem. with my self-esteem and self-confidence. how can i see things in a different perspective? how can i feel good about myself?
and i find it so hard to tell.
because they are too unreasonable & unacceptable to be made reasons for my behaviour. and far too insignificant in the face of...other problems.
i cant feel this insecurity with myself.
cant let this take control of my emotions. it's spoiling everything.
i made you mad.& that's the second last thing i would wanna do. the last would be to make you sad.
my last pathetic tries of redemption were a sad failure.
another wasted night. robbed of its goodbye kiss.
i am a spoiler. argh.
this wont do.
how can i embrace the fact that i am an unique individual
focus on my strengths? but wait, what am i good at? is there even anything that i excel in? haha.
or do i just have too high expectations of myself
or i just think too much
making a mountain out of a molehill.
and it's irritating. totally.
i
will must deal with it.
but how?Labels: 25061988
caved
2:01 PM
you know how sometimes certain words or phrases just pop up in ur head and keep repeating themselves like a broken record...
today my phrase of the day was and probably will continue to be:
a good for nothing.if i could illustrate that particular phrase out for you, it would be a picture painted of skin shedding off flake by flake (like sunburnt skin, but just bigger, neater flakes. haha) to unveil a scrawny , wrinkled being who's thinned to the bones. the facial expression? maybe one of souless eyes staring into nothingness. a hopelessly hollow, threatless nitwit.
crippled. i feel crippled.& i feel so much like a bimbo. with or without the looks, whatever you say.doesnt matter anyway.Labels: 25061988
AAABBBBB....
12:50 AM
long time no C!
i know i know. my blog is practically dead.
but im just really not in the blogging kind of mood.
and i know i know. im also getting a little narcistic over there. allow me a little indulgence once in a while :p
...busy busy busy. im in hall for the weekdays even during the hols! :Scheerleading is really dangerous. i fell flat on my face.
fortunately i didnt break my nose or knocked out my front teeth. sustained some scratches and slight bruise on the eye and lip.
but all is fine now :) BUT the very next day...my roomie sprained her ankle!
cheerleading..dont play play.
went to scout for costumes today with gavin.
i realised ive really become a hermit stuck in NTU.
BUGIS had some MAJOR changes! the food court has shifted to the previous "edge" and the basement is now full of YUMMY YUMMY FOOOOOOD.
as usual. i had to try more than one store.
mmm..taiwan fan tuan. not bad at all!
also had some korean street food. sigh dont mind going to korea again. hmm.
lastly went for the queen of queens event with my dearest bestie last night at st james powerhouse. i had to book my busy bestie in advance. HOT IN DEMAND LAR! and she gave her virgin clubbing experience to..MEEEEEEE ! :D:D:D
we received free cornettos the first thing we stepped in. a few more steps and we were offered free drinks. WOOTS. being the cheapo that i am, i courteously took all. muahhaha. *humble laugh* eh not good to reject leh. HAHA.
there were free manicures and photoshoot and makeovers too. but i didnt try any. not really interested. anyway..pictures!
credits to my happy :)
yuzhen the hot hot HOT tallie who danced like mad.
lastly..the irresistible gift from an irresistible someone. heh. love love.
okay that's all.
laziness sets in once more.
good luck to the boyfriend for the upcoming match!!!
mwwaaaaaah.
*i wonder who got the link between my title and the "long time no C". hrmm...haha!
Labels: friends, sunshine makes me smile
last warning.
8:57 PM
STOP. using contents of my blog on me, analysing them to me and telling me what i should do.
dont cross the line.
Labels: rage
head. ache.
12:07 AM
i cant remember the last time i cried because of physical pain
today i did. not exactly cry, but teared quite a bit.
all thanks to THREADING.
hell it's painful!!!
all you sadist should really try it.
FEP with wormie last sat
FEP with jadey thur
FEP with myself today
FEP mon for haircut
FEPFEPFEP. im sick of FEP ALR!
off to finish my book :)
everytime i see you fallingi get down on my knees and prayLabels: random
