i hate everything about you.

2009-09-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

Nothing stands out so conspicuously,

or remains so firmly fixed in the memory,

as something which you have blundered.

2009-08-26T19:53:00.000+08:00

i spent my life learning to feel less.

there are only so many things you can fail at

2009-08-07T00:25:00.002+08:00

tonight i will pop the pill and sleep.

i dont care anymore if i become overly reliant on it because i'd rather be than have to go through the same night all over again. suffocating and nauseating and unbelievably slow.

breathe.
i wish i could just.

2009-08-06T08:46:00.000+08:00

If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes.

2009-08-04T17:48:00.000+08:00

Perhaps this is what we need. A dream, a hope for the future, something to aspire to, and perhaps we need to keep replacing this dream with something a little bigger because when we manage to fulfill the dream, we usually find that it's not what we wanted in the first place. Or if it is, it doesn't feel the way we always thought it should. Sometimes, if you're very mixed up, very stupid, or very thoughtless, you screw up the dream just as you get it. You tell yourself you don't deserve it, and you have to start all over again.

blood & bruises

2009-07-31T05:00:00.004+08:00

ive found the most embarassing moment of my life.

last night was beh's farewell clubbing & all of us were hanging out at the wine bar pre-dancing.
so mr beh very politely, asked me to help the guys take a photo.
& of course, being ever helpful i took the camera over very delicately. one of the rare moments where i handle stuff with divine care, like a lady.
i was sitting on this pretty elevated chair and the guys are really tall and there were many of them. being ever helpful, yes as always :), i decided to stand up on the bottom ring of the chair to get a better picture.
unfortunately, i forgot i was wearing the most unstable heels ever, and also the highest heels ever, and the heel of my shoes got hooked onto the ring and i dont really know what happened or how to describe it. basically my legs were impossibly tangled and i was an unbalanced mess as i fell slow motion on my knees. and yes, how can it be "the most embarassing" if it isnt in full view of everyone at the bar?

so what happens next. hrm. i laughed, as usual.
and then most of the guys who were stunned and speechless before, laughed along as i slowly got up. they later explained to me how shocked they were to see me laugh, and then found it funny, and joined in the laughing. i heard a frigging loud and long laughter!! hahaha!! asshole!
anw when i finally lifted my head after what seemed like ages as i was figuring out how to dig a hole in that FRIGGING HARD marble floor, i saw strangers staring aghast at me with expressions that looked kind of painful, maybe they feel my pain. HAHA.

my knees are badly bruised now. the right one slightly swollen and numb still.
& yes IT HURTSSSSSSSSSSS.
ask why didnt i try to support myself with my hands please....
because of the camera!! remember i handled it with divine care? it really was divine!!
i cushioned the camera's fall with my hands. oh precious camera that is worth so much more than my knees. hahaha!

my rotten ear is getting worse cause i cant control my itchy hands.
& now it bleeds.
SIGH. i think it's eczema again.

it's 5 o'clock in the morning
& i cant sleep.
i dont know what to do anymore.

i see it all.

2009-07-28T02:22:00.003+08:00

i shld really sleep, instead of staying up doing nothing, staring into...nothing.

goodnight

2009-07-26T02:40:00.002+08:00

today i had my first flaming lambo.
i drink far too slow.

blink, wont you.

2009-07-25T03:21:00.004+08:00

it's 327am and im back
pretty early i must say, i havent been home at appropriate times lately
i havent seen my dad for around 3 days cause i leave when he's not around and return when he's asleep.

met up with longyu today, after what seems like a billion years.
we havent chatted like that for a long while. im actually happy that we could again.
felt kind of like old times where we could just rattle on through the night.
except this time we've aged.

went to acid bar.
but unfortunately there were no seats available. so we left for tcc at dhoby, then to cathay then to starbucks.
& we got stuff from 7eleven.
pocky and water for me. sharks for longyu.

i am so blank & so boring, i have nothing more to say here.
gdnight.

i want to learn the guitar well so badly.

nothing good comes out of it

2009-05-20T06:04:00.002+08:00

rats go underground.

all you pesky little rats can live on and crap through your last month.

im outta here.

stupid bots

2008-11-28T19:38:00.002+08:00

look at these 2 idiots.

they are the only ones alive and they are camping. facing a wall.

IDIOTS. wasting my time.

j'aime a la folie!

2008-11-14T08:48:00.012+08:00

i am so in love with this song. ここにいるよ feat.青山テルマ.

i found it in my library when i was in the mood for some j/kpop. and ever since that lucky day, i couldnt stop listening to it! it's the first melody that comes to my mind when i wake in the morning! alan says there's a chinese version and imo, even though i have yet to listen to it and have no wish to, i think it's gonna suck. :S im anal this way. in that songs should always stay true to their origins and NEVER get translated into other languages. more so for english to chinese and vice versa songs. look what happened to jacky's rendition of MLTR songs. eww-worthy. and even those slightly popular ones like elva's and blue's "you make me wanna", je n'aime pas du tout. & the "creme of the crop": M2M's PRETTY BOY. just because they actually sang it in madarin themselves.

i wish i could post some video/ mp3 player for that amazing jap song here to share but i dont know how. or rather tt's just a convenient excuse cause im too lazy to do that.

but i was getting really curious about this song.
the artists. i found out that it's both written and sung by SoulJa. tt is if the internet is 100% reliable and i am a blind believer in this context. & in many other's opinion, in every context. & the female artist, tbh, i wasnt really concerned. hahaha!

anyway that SoulJa, such a talent i must say! you sing well, im awed. you sing and write your own amazing songs, you up levels, earn my respect and it's a different story altogether, that is even if you dont croon like feiyuqing. so i had got to see the face behind that voice and melody! his side view is really nice in the mtv but i hate his hair! je deteste!

that's SoulJa for you.

seriously, WHAT'S UP WITH THE HAIR MAN. how come all the japanese artists must have long hair. this is considered long to me for males. ok i admit some are pretty suitable for it, for one...MIKE HE JUN XIANG. he totally rock long hair (but not long over the shoulder kind please).

ignore rainie yang PLEASE. i like her and all but please visually ignore her. ahh I MISS HIM SOO MUCH! i think he's the one in a million celebrity that makes me go gaga and rara like a juvenile fangirl!

anyway let's not get distracted by mike, those smouldering eyes, the near perfection nose, the oh-so-tempting lips.....IKR, he's sucha distractor! anyway the hair, and SoulJa. he should just snip off his long locks and become un beau musicien! in no time he'll be famous like ...(damn i dont know any jpop stars!) whoever and then i can search for his mugshot online EASILY. ya i took damn long to find his picture. hahaha.

& then there's the other curiosity to satiate: the lyrics, which for obvious reasons i dont comprehend a word except for "baby boy", "you know that i love you" and "for our future".

yea i like reading lyrics and sometimes i listen to songs because i read about the lyrics first. i get oddly nostalgic when i listen to this particular song and a google search proved tt this song is pretty bittersweet. which explains how my heart aches a little everytime i listen to it!

so why listen when it makes me feel that way?

i think i need some emotions. i havent cried for so long and life is getting real boring. hahaha, a bit hard to understand there huh. i think i need to feel sorrow to feel love. it's like how people only learn to treasure when they lose it. i think i enjoy the rollercoaster rides of relationships even though it makes everything rocky. in other words, im sucha slut for this and if anything bad happens you'll snap in my face "you asked for it, so now enjoy it".

& i know at that point of time i will almost definitely tell you i dont want any of that crap and that i just want things to be normal and okay. hahaha. so why!! why am i like that!

i love dramas.

not the shows dramas. but dramas irl. i need spices here and there to keep me interested and going. i think i get nostalgic for disaster. why am i such a drama queen :(

ok im done with breakfast. yum. breakfasts are my favourite meals! because it's the meal that i have to wait the whole frigging night for (read: 8 hours!!!). i sleep just to wake to eat breakfast. srsly.

before i go i'll just like to say despite what ive said, please dont let anything bad happen!

hahahah!

no more crazy love stories.

we'll come back as someone else who's better than yourself

2008-11-10T23:14:00.009+08:00

ogay. i cant study anymore. again. nthg goes in!

3 more weeks & ill be outta here on my way to bangkok.

and then there'll be xmas parties to attend & lots of frenzy shopping and meetups.

& finally i'll be gone for good. for 6 months at least.

i miss myhappy :(

i love how i can feel so comfortable around her. like we can just outta nowhere, flash our teeth at each other and ask if there are stucked chilli flakes with no embarrassment.

& then i want to meet wanyier and call her "wanyier" 10000 times just because im allowed to.i havent seen her for a long time. but despite that, she's always the one who can make me smile and laugh effortlessly whenever she msges me online. & then make me feel so much better about myself. :)

dont be too shock, but i kinda miss talking to yangsheng.

he's a nice chatter if he doesnt hate me. hahah.

sigh, too bad, broken relationships just ruin it all dont they.

if only i could have a friend in him.

better left unspoken?

2008-11-09T19:26:00.003+08:00

there's a reason for everything, even if i cant find the words to it.
if you would only think back hard enough, and figure out what you did that made me distance myself from you.

nvm. it was a long closed chapter anyway.
i know i wouldnt do anything.
it's far too late and i dont think things can ever be the same again.

"nice ears"

2008-11-09T12:20:00.001+08:00

difficile

2008-11-07T20:55:00.002+08:00

when accting 2 is not as simple as it seems
when i am so behind time
when i have no appetite and i'm one who lives on cravings. no cravings=nthg to look forward to=no pleasure. i dont even crave for cookies anymore :(
when all i feel is drowsiness
when it seems like the headaches are here to stay and my head weighs a ton
and when i feel so nausea right now.

irk.

make an effort.

2008-10-19T01:32:00.002+08:00

Chandler: You’re Monica and I am in love with Monica.
Monica: Keep going...
Chandler: So you can ballon up or you can shrink down, and I will still love you.
Monica: Even if I shrink down to 2 inches tall?
Chandler: I’ll carry you around in my pocket.

crestfallen

2008-10-17T12:48:00.010+08:00

OMFG.
you're not gonna belive this because i cant and refuse to accept the fact that MY GROUP SUBMITTED OUR ACCOUNTING PROJECT LATE. can you fucking believe it?! this is so unbelievable it almost feels surreal. and if i want to trace back and find the faults in each group member that ultimately led us to our doom so that i can push the blame to everyone esle but me, you know what..I CAN!

1. the most prominent character undoubtedly is...not the genius of our group, but the malaysian who went totally MIA. he was supposed to send me his part by wed night before leaving for his hometown, and please bear in mind that we only started on our parts THIS WEEK when the project is due on friday, and well not so surprisingly, he didnt. so basically, the project is done by not 4, but 3 members. but it doesnt matter anyway because i dont think his contribution will make any difference.

2. we were supposed to complete everything last night and we could have but obviously didnt due to some reasons i choose not to state here. i stayed up all the way till 6am in the morning, unable to contact ANY of my group members at all, and waited and waited with HOPE AND FAITH. which were too frail to rely on in the end.

and i can go on about other nitty gritty factors that could have contributed to our incorrigible late submission in one way or another, even in the smallest possible way, but ultimately, i still feel so guilty because i thought the submission deadline was 1230pm when it was actually 12pm.

and when editing projects, the perfectionist and anal-retentive part of me kicks in at full force and times like this, it has proven to be more harmful than good. with that stupidly imagined 1230pm deadline looming in my head, i edited and edited until we finally submitted our project at 1220pm. so should i take comfort that my time management is actually not that hopeless because if the deadline was what i thought to be 1230pm, WE WOULD HAVE SUBMITTED EARLY?! duh....fuck no! ultimately ULTIMATELY, the heartbreaking, mind-boggling fact is that we submitted the project LATE.

argh but this totally wouldnt have happened if i received all the files LAST NIGHT! remember i stayed up till 6am waiting and waiting and waiting. i was so prepared to not sleep at all to complete it. damn it. whatever xinyi, YOU STILL REMEMBERED THE DEADLINE WRONGLY.

i am beyond sian now.
seriously hope profgoh will be like my colaw prof: not particular on this punctuality of hardcopy issue (cause i submitted the softcopy on the dot. 12pm. and i found out the real deadline at 11.59am. maybe i should count my blessings instead. hurhur.)
anyway due credit has to be given to yz for her contribution.
would have submitted EVEN later if not for her.

so, this totally ruined the start of the weekends i was so looking forward to.
prawning, gossip girl, friends. i see no joy in them no more.
you know ive lived this week just for the sake of le weekends?
just tell me everything's gonna be okay.
oh so fucking okay.

& that is one of the reasons why i hate school.

2008-10-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

I AM SO FUCKING FED UP WITH MY T TEACHER AND HER IMPOSSIBLY BRIEF NOTES.

FUCK!

you guys...

2008-10-12T00:04:00.003+08:00

im feeling down in the dumps.

not because the karaoke outing was boring or horrible, it's because it was great and i miss my old friends already. singing all the old songs just reminded me of the good old days, and i would love to experience a day in dhs again. but make it a day where there's a food fair held in the canteen, where we can dedicate songs to each other, where we can play captains ball, or just walk around in threes and sing and talk all day.

i havent been out with guys like jinrui and alan for a long time. to me, they are different. different from the guys i hang out with in uni. maybe they are not exactly different but it just feels so to me because they are simply, them, different in a heartwarming way. i am lucky to have such brothers. :)

damn i want to runaway so much. from that horribly stressful place called school.
and i dont wanna return to hall, i wanna stay home, a place brimming with love.
i cant wait for exams to be over but at the same time i dread its arrival.
i am not kidding or trying to scheme when i say i am really pretty lost in my school work this sem.
i hate this feeling.

make it go away.
i want to see them again. my trusty old friends.
:(

yadayada

2008-10-10T02:47:00.007+08:00

the week was spent doing everything but work!

and last week i went prawning for 2 hours. and caught 3 prawns. of which none was by me.

man i suck at prawning! haha. i choose to believe that im just unskilled because it was my first try. i let the prawns take the bait and escape unharmed. CAN I BE ANY KINDER? or in everyone else's words...LOUSIER.

supposed to go again this friday with shawn and charlene, but shawn cant make it. boring~

monday i just kept sleeping, the same went for tuesday, so much so that i cant really recall what happened for those 2 days.

and wednesday i went to Queensway to get my buddy her tennis racket for her 21st birthday, which is today!

i was so looking forward to IKEA food and when i finally had it, yea expectedly, it was helluva GOOOD. i just cant get enough of IKEA food--cheap and delicious. the cake was soooo good we bought the whole cake from the food mart for today's celebration. woohoo~ and no points for guessing who ate half the cake just now.

& i thought i should start to do some real preparation for tutorials, unfortunately i ended up talking to TJC again. bad bad.

last time it was POH whom i talked to for hours during exam study breaks.

now it's TJC! hahaha omg! this is baddd.

the death of me!

so today! buddy's 21st birthday countdown supper :D was fun!

ate pizza, garlic bread, drumlets (mmm..ive loved those drumlets since i was a kid) and that superb IKEA cake. we filmed a short, extremely retarded video. which was so hilarious i laughed till i was rolling on the floor. we were so shamelessly loud i think people wanted to throw stuff in my room's direction. :S

my buddy is a JOKE. joke-sephine. there i came up with yet another new nickname for her, what a versatile name! just like chuck bass! (chuck basstard, mother chucker. especially love the latter) :)

next up...netball! woohooo i loved it! because bud was too strong for netball, yingli was too chio when playing, eugene was too hyperactive--prancing around with tons of coins jiggling in his pockets, yuzhen was too skilful and fed up with bernard and of course...because bernard was too funnily..LOUSY, a true netball king.

we should do this more often! and im sure we all want to :D

who would have thought one year later, we would be such great buds :)

(tt was FOC break camp day in 2007!)

now time to wake up my idea
3 presentations and 1 major project due next week. & a frigging roleplay!!!!
OMFG. ~~HOW TO~~ MAKE IT WORK !

& where's GG episode 6?!!?!! Give it to mehhhhhhhh .!

ROFL.

2008-10-02T03:22:00.003+08:00

to embrace change

2008-09-23T16:18:00.005+08:00

omg in 3 months time, im leaving for USA.

this mixture of emotions is overwhelming!

im pretty psyched bout it. but gotta admit, im really really REALLY scared due to the lack of friends over there.

i can make friends, but we all know im not that sociable a person and i dont really have friends of other races or nationalities. except for sam. whom i dont really talk to anyway.

ok i've got colleagues from Germany and Switzerland but but but... i didnt really interact with them! simply because there's a huge generation gap.

and 6 months away from home!

oh how i'll miss my family and my baby and my besties and the familiar people in my life

and not to mention the food! :(

i seriously think i'll get home-sick very soon.

imagine all the load of junk food in USA...i'll become super fat in no time la! :'(

too many things to think through and too many uncertainties.

a part of me wants to just stay in Singapore and never leave my comfort zone.

but ultimately, i've taken the risk and submitted the acceptance form.

no turning back and no regrets. if not it'll be $300 to the GIP office and thousands of dollars of living expenses gone to waste.

gotta make this a once-in-a-lifetime experience with lovely memories and friends.

because if it sucks, i'll feel miserable every single day for 6 months.

that will definitely eat me alive.

OMG IM GOING TO USA!!!!!!!!!

*how can i study with this much on my mind! argh!

2008-09-16T22:58:00.003+08:00

no time for tears
no shoulders to cry on anyway
lone.

2008-09-15T03:42:00.001+08:00

Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise

In memory of what we used to call in love

And only time will tell if violins will swell

In memory of what we used to call in love

Used to call it love

a Bass habit

2008-09-14T23:37:00.001+08:00

how come he can look so good without socks
i can almost hear him say "cause I'm Chuck Bass."
hahaha. stop mehh

harmful fashion

2008-09-12T21:13:00.004+08:00

so wanna get my hands on these.

those destroyed distress denim shortssssss

those heels that are much too high for comfort.

but i can only get them online and i dont shop online.

grrr.

& i want a black leather jacket.

& more hats because my hair is shapeless right now

& a long grey blazer.

but first

i need cash. a lot of it.

anyone for shopping tmr?

this is me escaping

trust fall

2008-09-06T00:11:00.003+08:00

1. i suspect there may be something wrong with me. i am constantly feeling lethargic and tired and restless.

im so sick of feeling tired all the time! what is it that is cocking up in my body?

do i not eat enough? NOOO for sure. do i not sleep enough? yea i guess. do i exercise? no. except for walking to and back from school. if only school was easy. i would have all the time to drag my lazy ass for a jog.

2. I AM STILL LAGGING AND HAVE YET TO CAUGHT UP ON ANYTHING. ARGHHHHH. i simply cant sit down and concentrate. and when im determined to, like today, i get a migraine. WTF.

3. just read GLAMOUR, and i am so itching to go shopping tmr! which means i wouldnt do any work at all. AGAIN! tie me to a chair and place me in front of my readings tmr ok?

4. i absolutely hate - let me repeat, HATE- it when cs uses that bloody "BLOODY" word on me all the time. "bloody busy"..."bloody dont reply" ..."bloody irritated" [yea you got that right.it gets on my nerrrrrrrrves.], just wherever you can insert that "bloody" word in a sentence.

i am just so SICK of your excessive usage of that word. & what's more, quit BUGGING me and requesting for meet ups every so often. even my best friends dont do that. if i dont reply, let it be known that IT'S INTENTIONAL. ok?

i just HAD to complain and bitch about it.
please dont text me about this.
kthxbye.

trying & failing. & failing. & failing.

2008-08-31T18:30:00.004+08:00

i woke up feeling so extraordinarily sad. i hate that feeling.
maybe it's because dnd is over and im a retired pageant coordinator.
maybe it's because i have lots of deadlines to meet by mon and tue and only one is half done.
maybe it's because i have to go back to hall today.
maybe it's because of the realisation that i have to start catching up with my schwork and be on track from now on because now that i've retired, i have no more reason to lag behind

but i think it's most probably because whatever i do, it's never right and never enough.
because we're losing that harmony.
we're in-sync. no more.

and also i lost my camera.
i do not have the guts to tell my parents. i'll give this thing one week.
hopefully some hall 2 person found my camera last night and decided to return me in hall.
please. :(
the amount of money ive misplaced indirectly makes me so ashame of myself,
that diamond earring, the camera...these 2 alone total over a thousand for sure...
just dig a hole for me and bury my head in.

i think im drowning, asphyxiated

2008-08-05T13:49:00.002+08:00

today i walked past international house-cafe alfresco

& damn do i miss those days.

2008-08-04T14:33:00.000+08:00

When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake

When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me

verbal diarrhea

2008-07-22T21:51:00.005+08:00

im watching beach ball babes and god am i royally turned OFF by Tianwu.
i got a shock when he kissed loufeng back and
i cant believe he had the nerrrrrrrrves to holler at yanfang in front of her family
and lou feng, man is she desperate. haha.
men men men..they take any female that pounce on them dont they
haha so damn easy.
i suspect men's level of control over no strings attached sex or easy sex is akin to mine over food.
all right i'll give them more faith on monogamy...they cave in because they are drunk hence not in the right state of mind to think with their brains. --> which is also the argument proposed by Tianwu.
BUT...but but but........................... *thinks ponders*.................hrmmmm...........
ok no i take that little bit of kind faith BACK.

nbs camp was over in a flash and i lost a kg cause of it
wooohooo. haha but i i think i just gained it all back cause i was perpetually eating for the whole of yesterday and today.
im watching house now and he's eating jelly
i wanna eat some jelly too.

i havent blog about my birthday
IT WAS A BLAST. :D
i enjoyed it all the way till the clock strucked 12am, the start of 26 June
i'll upload the pics some other day, after i get them all from facebook. or maybe i'll not because ive lost the urge to blog. haha.
anyway, thank you for giving me one of the best birthdays :)
i love you baby

trouble with canned dogfood.

2008-06-17T13:28:00.004+08:00

guess what fellas
I FUCKING CUT MY FINGER AGAIN.

same finger. close proximity to the previous cut.
but deeper.

wtf!!!
i sat on the couch and used a tissue to absorb and try to stop the blood flow and suddenly..
i almost fainted.

haha so i sat down there thinking "shit im gonna faint. what if i faint, shld i call yuankai here to help? "
and then i contemplated whether to walk upstairs to grab my phone and a bra to wear...
and so i did. i tottered up the stairs, almost going blind as dark spots blurred my vision, and crashed into bed immediately because i really couldnt take it anymore. haha.
well if you're wondnering, i didnt faint haha. almost but phew, no.
so after i laid in bed for what felt like eternity of buzzing in my ears, i felt better, got up, put on my bra and aid myself down to eat some oreos and hershey kisses.
i guess i needed a sugar-rush.

throughout the whole thing, jack was oblivious to my fainting spells. hahahaha!!
and now he's licking my legs like mad. :)

decided not to submit the timesheet today.
shall just meet up with the sponsers later to get the contract signed and then syndro outing.
i hope they dont dunk me.
not today, not in seniors camp too. haha

ahh...i dread dread DREAD bathing later.

2008-06-16T13:19:00.004+08:00

finally my job has come to an end
standing in heels for 11 hours for 4 consecutive days is no fun at all
it's amazing how much attention one can get just by donning the F1 outfit, which btw was not really F1-ish but more singtel-ish
im just a flyer distributor not a showgirl!
so anyhow it's great to work with people of my generation :D

ive decided to laze around for the whole of today cause im dead beat and i guess i should keep jack company for at least a day.
oh i cut my hand this morning while opening jack's food
been a while since ive such a deep cut (read: a cut thicker than..papercuts. Hahaha)
ok but it's really pretty deep. deep but small.

so i got into BAF.
should i take up a second major? suggestions?

i miss you baby.
:(

you gain some and you lose some

2008-06-07T18:58:00.004+08:00

what have i done?
if i can only stop thinking for myself for one minute.
fuckin self-centred.
but i dont know why it just hurt so much.
it's really contradicting and my own thoughts just confuses me like mad.
i keep trying to put myself in another's shoes but with the left foot in and the right staying glued to my own shoe. no not a half-hearted attempt but it's just.. im not that selfless and saint-like a person and i just cant help it that my feet feels more comfortable in my shoes than yours.
and then a moment of truth... both foot were in my shoes and i got sucked into my own whirlpool of arguments and i lost control.
i did, in the words of ouer, a horrible stunt.
times like this the truckload of repititive reasonings collide and fuse frantically, then explode like a supernovae and the end product: a supermassive black hole. ---> BLANK. there you go, i go blank again. which means no right words, no coherent, structured sentences that makes sense.

ok stop talking stop talking, lin xinyi.
it's always like that with me isnt it, the more i try to make things right they more wrong they get.
silence is the best policy, actually, really.

harder and harder to breathe

2008-06-06T14:43:00.002+08:00

do you feel very blank-y very often?
cause i do. like you're neither happy nor sad but just very blank and usually more skewed to the negative side of blank than the positive side.
omg i am talking trash but still, i hope you get me.

i want so much to put all these blank feelings into words so i can get rid of this blank-et over me but because it's simply too BLANK and neutral, no vocabulary comes to my utterly blank mind.

so anyhow ive been plagued with the flu bug and it takes my breath away, literally. food doesnt satisfy me because they taste so blah and sometimes my blocked nose gets so bad i cant eat and close my mouth for more than 5 seconds if not i'll be suffocated.

i need to study astro because i flunked my astro quiz. but i really dont like to study and i think i prefer studying for accounting and fm to studying for ASTRO. in retrospect, i should have just stuck to my decision of taking mc for the quiz and i really shldnt have taken up special sem in the first place. :(

after the exam and the job and the camp, my holidays will only be around a month to speak of. that's so......pathetic. i have an insatiable appetite for holidays!!!

screw special sem.

im gonna go back to world of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
the only thing that entertains me now.

ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-05-29T02:16:00.002+08:00

13/05 people

STEAMBOAT + MAHJONG + whatever you wanna do

Venue: MY HOUSE (as usual, haha)

Date: 31st May 2008, Sat

Time: whenever, as long as YOU be there by dinner time!

come earlier if you're feeling helpful :D

Contacts: Dean, Angeline or Me!

SEE YA!! :D

thank god for radios

2008-05-09T02:42:00.002+08:00

ive cleared my hall room
everything i still wanted except for the one thing flooded and decorated with memories.
MY NOTICE BOARD. *WAILS*
shit this sucks. ive returned my key and ive locked the toilet door. the room is obviously a NO-ENTRY. arggh!
i should have duplicated the key!!! grr
cant go back anytime soon thanks to work. :(

dont laugh at me. but..
sometimes i get a little scared watching desperate housewives
how come gabrielle's so hot. i wanna be so hot also leh.
:(

some kind of paradox

2008-04-29T14:10:00.004+08:00

something to look forward to

a reason to be ...

i need

meditate: "Oommm"

2008-04-25T22:51:00.003+08:00

WOOHOO IM LIBERATED!
from the exams? nope that's not what's on my mind while typing here right now.
what's on my mind is...I NO LONGER HAVE TO ENDURE THE "VRRROOOOOMMMM" OF BUSES AFTER BUSES STOPPING AND THEN DRIVING UPSLOPE RIGHT BESIDE MY ROOM. and of course to top it off, MOTORCYCLES.

you know my room is right beside the bus stop and buses at ntu-namely 179, they come at a frequency so high you wouldnt feel any frustration when you miss a 179 when you're in a hurry. and the motorcycyles....my god dont even let me go into that. sometimes while sleeping i picture myself throwing my bolster/pillow outside the window and very accurately, hitting the unsuspecting motorcyclist zooming past. im not condemning motorcyclists on a whole, it's just those which race and speed so damn loudy when it's past midnight alr.

you probably think im just anal. (which i really am HAHA) but let me prove my point of just HOW FRIGGING LOUD it is. the main factor--> Proximity. believe me, the bus stop is really literally beside my room! i can even hear people tapping their EZLINK cards. that's just how close it is. hahaha.

proximity established. next-->it's NTU. NTU=SLOPES. there are slopes everywhere and unfortunately the bus has to travel up-slope after stopping at the bus stop. i think the drivers probably have to slam the accelerator or what to boost the power of the engines. i dont know, i dont drive but i sure do know it's loud. especially if the bus have to stop before moving upslope, more power needed right? which means louder right. hahah i dont know i dont drive. i only know it's loud.

today i slept for 12 hours. 12 hours of peaceful, air-conditioned, undisrupted sleep.
usually i'll wake in the morning in hall, i dont know why and it's always damn early in the morning. maybe it's the buses maybe it's just hall-sleep. haha.
now i understand why my parents always find houses that are not by the main roads or at higher storeys. cleaner, fresher air, more windy and most importantly, no vehicle noise pollution.
ok i know i live at the 3rd storey now, HAHA, but it's very silent here cause it's not by the main road :D and the highest storey is the 4th storey anyway.

talking about sleep, my wormie slept for 18 hours straight. no pee, no food, no water, no anything. not even a slight flicker of her eyelids. RECORD BREAKING i must say. haha. one word--> GROSS. hahahaha!!! it's impossible to sleep so long even if you're a real pig!

i wanna go bangkok and shop till i drop, rot and of course, get squeezed dry of my money. the toughest part is getting down to all the planning and stuff. rraaahhh.
need to read some storybooks also. tony parson's new book! cant wait!!

ive been craving for some drinks ever since the day before my last paper.
that's a hint to longyu & angeline..........time to party :)

toilet roll mechanics

2008-04-20T21:53:00.003+08:00

CASE: Sayers v Harlow UDC (1958)

The plaintiff found herself locked in a public lavatory. In trying to climb over the top of the door, she stepped on a toilet roll which "true to its mechanical requirements rotated". She fell and injured herself. The court held that the defendants were liable for the defective lock, but that the plaintiff contributed to her injury and hence her damages were reduced by 25 per cent.

hahahaha!
oh yea im studying business law now btw.

God's lonely men

2008-04-16T20:44:00.005+08:00

i was reading up quite a bit on TAXI DRIVER, directed by Martin Scrosese. because i skipped countless elective lectures, missed the showing of this important movie as the prof claimed, and had no clue as to what as happening in the very very foreign elective.

Basically it's a bout this vietnam vet who got left behind by society and at the same time rejects society. There's Betty, the one he wants but cant have cause he brought her to a pornographic movie on their first date. haha. and then there's Iris, a juvenile prostitute who he can have but doesnt want. He thinks the both of them needs to be saved and he wants to save them. In his twisted mind and from the things he see every night, he thinks society is scum and wants to take things in his hand by destroying the scumbags of society. So he goes on a mission to kill some senator or what i cant remember but failed then went on to kill the pimp who controlled Iris and succeeded. He wanted to kill himself after that but failed to because he wasted too much bullets.
Surprisingly in the end, he wasnt condemned or arrested by authorities but instead celebrated as the taxi driver who killed the pimp and rescued the underaged prostitute, a hero.

Yea that's quite a lot to digest. But it's actually pretty brief alr. i left out a lot of details. But the point is....I AM SO ITCHING TO WATCH TAXI DRIVER! but i cant! because it's the exams and i really have no time for movies. hahah. no actually the point is...Travis Bickler (the male protaganist of the film) reminds me of Cho. you know that korean guy who went around campus shooting whoever he saw in the US? yar him, and he shot himself dead in the end right? yea like Travis, just that Travis failed. I think it's sad, how the rejection of such individuals by society creates a cloud of immense pressure that blurs them of their senses and makes them warped and twisted. I think they tried to fit in, tried to live life normally, like how Travis wanted to date Betty and failed because of his poor socialising skills. And the unforgiving Betty just made Travis felt more dejected and rejected by society. Cho went around shooting people because he felt the rich kids deserved to die or something like that right? Brats or whatsoever he said. I read in some random blog that Cho could be a hero if only he hadnt went around shooting any random person but instead shot those particular brats. haha.

Well in the end they both committed suicide. maybe they realised what they did so violently was a mere act of vengeance at its most tragic and gross form and not heroism in their then twisted mind. Shameful? Was their vivd memory of their terrorism too much to handle? if i were Cho, i would kill myself too. haha.

ok a very incomplete train of thoughts of mine but i really gotta go because i have yet to start on my very very very dear Financial Management.
and ya, the craving to watch Taxi Driver is still one of the POINT.
hahaha
bye!

what used to be

2008-03-29T01:01:00.009+08:00

HAPPY 20th ANGELINE TAN YANLING!

may my happy be blessed forever with lady luck always shining bright on her from this day onwards. thanks a million trillion babe, for everything..from the unwavering support given, to truly wanting your friends' lives to be good, to all the presents. i was walking down memory lane today (before meeting you), reminiscing how we used to use the same wallets and carry everything the same way while walking to the bus stop after school and our insatiable appetite for chocolates that lead us to parkway parade marks&spencer after school just to get chocolates. haha. those were the times of what we used to be & will still be 20 more years down the road. :)
(that picture very sizzzzling hot hor? muahaha *drools*)

today was good albeit a tad too rush
but still..im glad we met. all three of us.
:)

we headed to...TIMBRE!

in the seafood platter: HUMONGOUS prawns, oysters, calamari rings, wedges. the potato wedges machiam FOC.

thin crust pizza was YUMMYLICIOUS!

longyouuuu! :D

MY PRETTY FRIENDS!

share a sip with the birthday girl. >_<

longyu always cut away my face!!! muahhaha but good. "slimming" effect on my fat face! wahahaha. angeline & i, we hate fat faces. but missleelongyu loves it! give your our face fats. lol.

i realise the less you meet, the more twisted your impressions get cause the most recent memory stays most vivid and all you can harp on and ponder on is just the unhappy happenings. it's all really not that bad. can i safely say so?

let go. of everything ancient. haha.

i like tonight. not crazy-fun. but pretty cozy.
& that's enough for me.
looking at all these pictures makes me happy. :)

i kind of miss dhs. was thinking about it last night.
& angeline and i talked about dhs.
& then suddenly, i dont miss it all that much.
haha. i only miss the times spent with good people. longyu, angeline to be particular.
maybe some of those crazy times too.
i think niceness comes with age. haha.

i hate it when you're/we're tired.

all the energy exhuasted in everything else but love.

have faith.

that we'll be like before after the exams.

what we used to be.

stale.

no more.

2008-03-18T19:08:00.002+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i am so paranoid about my bloody accounting project!
ARGHHHHHHHH!!!
please shine, lady luck.
let everyone get the same marks can?!?!
fffffffffffffff

times like this
i miss my ob group.
:(

all at a go

2008-03-03T23:59:00.006+08:00

woke up at 6.40am today and made my way back to hall.
forgot to bring my keys, yet again.
since my roomie wasnt in i went to yl's room to put my stuff and decided to go for breakfast on my own. :)
came back and studied. like finally after more than a week of procrastination.
im on the ball now! haha. but couldnt last for the whole day because ever since i came back at night, i havent been able to accomplish things again.
sigh. sleepy.

dont watch spartans. it sucks. real bad.

i think there was really something a little wrong with me in the past.
too paranoid. too depressed for my own good.
i think even i'll get sick of the old me right now. HAhahaha.
so is it right to say it takes 2 hands to clap?
yea on certain grounds.
haha. i played my part.

& im glad to have moved on. grown out of my foolish thoughts, and that foolish love.

have i ever told you how much i love you?
yea i have. :) but i can tell you a trillion more times.
probably wouldnt be as creative as your moon and earth analogy (haha), but be certain it's every bit as sincere and true. no less.
im sorry for my fury temper, my lack of punctuality and whatever you have to tolerate. :p
im still learning, learning to be more accepting & one day i'll accept every little flaw of yours (which isnt a lot. i win you hands down hahaha.) and in my eyes they'll never be flaws but just you, the love of my life.
i'll stop the world and melt with you. <3

i think i'll call it a day.
really pretty tired.

has been 2 years. hope you're doing fine...

some things just dont change

2008-03-01T01:50:00.006+08:00

i am loud, rowdy, un-ladylike, weird, a tough nut to crack, whiny, hot hot hot tempered ...
i could go on forever. everything about me is flawed.
that suck.
i dont make it any easier for people who try to love me.
which suck too.

blah.
if only i were lovable.
& drop-dead gorgeous.

turn off the TV!

2008-02-28T00:16:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I heard they cloned a baby

Now can I finally sleep with me?

i woke up at 4pm and lazed around all day, just to sleep again at 7 and then to wake up to dinner. :)
i wish i could say life is wonderful with no guilt.

CSI is awesome. & simply irresistable.
i cant wait for the next season! it'll be so funny to see grissom all full of emotions and maybe lose his cool! hahaha!

BUT.. the first episode of next season starts on 5th march and i'll be stuck in hall.
and i suppose all the other following wednesdays....i'll be stuck in hall STILL.
YUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

nvm. all is not lost.
AXN is cool because it devotes an entire sunday to CSI. "CSI SUPREME SUNDAY"!!!

tmr tmr i cant wait.
gonna get a haircut (like finally after 6 months!!) and then we'll go on a.DATEEEEEEEE!
woohoo! i love dates! :D

many a time, ive had the itch to read some mystery books on murders and psychopaths and whatnots.
i kinda of miss reading konan and kindaichi.
wished i could pick them up again, but sadly it's pretty addictive a hobby and i cant really afford such a time-consuming hobby in the face of uni workload and activities.

time to start studying!
ive wasted 5 days!
im going on a date tomorrow baby!
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO

2008-02-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

it's not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.
-Mother Teresa

just smile back.

2008-02-21T15:43:00.003+08:00

this has got to be the worst day of my school life
how much more down on luck can i get.

first my accounting sucks.
and due to unknown reasons, my brain/ears completely blocked out my alarm this morning.
last week i skipped tutorial, this week i overslept. im screwed.
i went to class late. to see my group halfway through presentation.
the one presentation that i contributed nothing to and was totally clueless about.
i figured it out last night, but i guess it wasnt good enough.
and then i presented one small section, which showed my ignorance in the end.
what's worse, i missed half of the tutorial and i cant afford to do that.
because i need the knowledge, i need to be taught. and i screwed up.
after class i didnt know what to do to redeem myself, i talked to the prof.
not much, just say my piece of crap and crappy questions.
he's nice, but i dont feel good about it.
let's just hope and pray, he doesnt dislike me and kill me for my class participation.
which prob suck right now all because of the presentation i went late for.

walked out of class, feeling like the lousiest thing ever.
& then in the usual xinyi-crybaby tradition....yea i couldnt help it
what's the best thing. a fren came to talk to me, said my watch was nice yadayada.
the whole situtation was just awkward cause i was so cold.
so biz law up next...suck it up. this time i did it well.

biz law... of all days, i got called upon TWICE to answer questions for 2 group presentations.
haha. i knew it. i was not the least bit surprised when i got called upon.
but anyway they let me off for the 2nd question cause i answered the first.
so i guess, seek comfort in that. in that my luck is not that bad afterall.
haha or maybe in that. human beings have compassion ?
haha. no link.

am i putting too much stress on myself
i think it's just the way i am
i cant stand it when i dont get concepts fast.
i cant stand ignorance on my part.
and i most certainly hate to have a prof dislike me.

straighten up little soldier
stiffen up that upper lip
what you crying about

you've got me

?

2008-02-20T01:14:00.002+08:00

today i took cab to school.

from hall 2 bus stop.

dont kill me =X

it's all about you baby

2008-02-16T12:59:00.006+08:00

Some say love it is a hunger

an endless aching need

I say love it is a flower and you

it's only seed

next week's hell week!!! :'(

2 quizzes. and the 2 toughest subjects :(

im screwed. i really should study.

but i am like the laziest bum in the world.

i heard an extremely annoying but pretty amusing song on 987 just now.

it goes sthg like "im so horny, horny horny horny" x 1098438657

wtf! ahahaha! firstly the lyrics are dumb and secondly if it's suppose to communicate the horny message across and maybe create some arousal, it obviously did none of the above. the song's not even sexy, it's just plain irritating!

so with every repitition of that horny line, i could feel my fist slowly crunching and i almost went arghhhhh turn off the radio!

but the artist stopped singing in time, *phew. luckily for my parents or they would have to hear my screams.

I HATE ECZEMA!

it's itching the hell outta me!! AHHHHHHH SAVE MEEEEEE.

rot rot rot.

& ive found THE EARRINGS :D

the pair of earrings that doesnt cause my ear to itch, bleed, then rot.

it's my mummy's! hehe. no i mean it WAS my mummy's.

so tell me, why do i have such ~~sensitive~~ expensive skin? :(

nvm. i guess a good pair of classic sparkling quality earrings beat 20 pairs of cheap metal earrings yea?

yea!

i really really should study.

make me! :(((((

trash

2008-02-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

should i continue with my accouting tutorial tonight?
i havent been able to concentrate for the whole of today
not for FM seminar, not for reading of accounting notes, not for pretty much everything that ive done today.
let's not even bother about 830am accounting lecture. because i skipped it even thuogh i was wide awake alr.

should i just go to sleep now?
i slept early last night. but the whole of last night i kept waking up.
i think tonight'll be the same

im simply not in the mood to study.

i wanna go home....

2008-02-11T14:14:00.000+08:00

end of CNY break!
im back in hall. no more aircon :(

anyway just to inform: the previous entry is on the few points to note is for cs. so please dont be mistaken!

PEACE!

i quit blogging.

2008-02-11T01:14:00.001+08:00

.......NOT. hahaha!

waiting for my danbaibf's call.....

im really lazy to blog.

aye nvm. certain points to note.

since you love to read my blog so much and analyze every little detail. try this.

i am NOT having some friction with my bf. my relationship is NOT on the rocks.

i am NOT overwhelmed with problems. in fact i dont find my life now very problematic.

i am definitely NOT giving up myself.

i am NOT behaving in a ridiculous manner due to my past. in fact im behaving very normally. never better. :)

Stop thinking i am so tied down by the past/bad experiences in your words. i am moving on very very well. never better. HAHA. (inside joke)

i am NOT emotionally unstable! never better ok.

NEVER BETTER. haha. which means im in a good mood. not foul like you always think i am.

this is JACK. i love jack! :D ive never liked a dog this much! hahaha.

& lastly...i love my boyfriend!

HAHAHA. he made me. :p

ni kai xin ma?

therefore

2008-02-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

i am very tired.

this has gotta be the most mentally unprepared CNY ever.

but i dont mind at all. because i get to be home for 6 days.

Home is still best.

i miss performing for/with DHSCO.

is it me or is it you or is it us

i packed my hall room before leaving. for CNY.

actually, i dont think im needed. haha.

did i mention? i love home.

one day i'll sleep on the master bedroom's new mattress. i bet it'll feel like heaven.

cliche but awfully true: no expectations, no disappointments. therefore, place expectations on no one.

i could go on and say: therefore, place no expectations on me, too. but i think i'll hold that line for now, because for now, for now...i think i can still fulfill my obligations, and hopefully live up to expectations.

i dont wanna fail.

go on.
i think it's me.
again?
sigh.

2008-01-24T01:11:00.000+08:00

OMFG. HEATH LEDGER DIED!

for real!

in case you dont know how he looks like....

sigh.

anyway cheerleading has finally ended. and yup we didnt win but it's ok :) at least we tried.

OMFG! let me repeat that. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

GUESS WHAT. i just found out...WE'RE TOP 5!!!

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

i cant believe iT!!! we trained the least, had the least number of people, the most non-cheerleadng costume, the budget team, one of the simplest stunts and all....BUT WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO BABY WE'RE TOP 5!!!!!

MUACKS. THIS ROCKS.

and it's pretty bad to celebrate for this right after "heath ledger died".

BUT AHH! WE'RE TOP 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hear me screaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

superficial.

2008-01-09T18:41:00.000+08:00

have never disliked myself more frequently.
fuck.
i hate this.
and i so fucking-badly wanna change.

argh, fuck.

cause you're a god

2007-12-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

and i am not.

cant remember the last time i struggled so long with self issues.
i dont think i ever did feel so useless for such a long time before.
im tired of being a jack of all trades, master of none.
i have a problem. with my self-esteem and self-confidence. how can i see things in a different perspective? how can i feel good about myself?
and i find it so hard to tell.
because they are too unreasonable & unacceptable to be made reasons for my behaviour. and far too insignificant in the face of...other problems.
i cant feel this insecurity with myself.
cant let this take control of my emotions. it's spoiling everything.
i made you mad.
& that's the second last thing i would wanna do. the last would be to make you sad.
my last pathetic tries of redemption were a sad failure.
another wasted night. robbed of its goodbye kiss.
i am a spoiler. argh.

this wont do.
how can i embrace the fact that i am an unique individual
focus on my strengths? but wait, what am i good at? is there even anything that i excel in? haha.
or do i just have too high expectations of myself
or i just think too much
making a mountain out of a molehill.
and it's irritating. totally.

i ~~will~~ must deal with it.

but how?

caved

2007-12-19T14:01:00.001+08:00

you know how sometimes certain words or phrases just pop up in ur head and keep repeating themselves like a broken record...

today my phrase of the day was and probably will continue to be: a good for nothing.

if i could illustrate that particular phrase out for you, it would be a picture painted of skin shedding off flake by flake (like sunburnt skin, but just bigger, neater flakes. haha) to unveil a scrawny , wrinkled being who's thinned to the bones. the facial expression? maybe one of souless eyes staring into nothingness. a hopelessly hollow, threatless nitwit.

crippled.
i feel crippled.
& i feel so much like a bimbo.
with or without the looks, whatever you say.
doesnt matter anyway.

AAABBBBB....

2007-12-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

long time no C!

i know i know. my blog is practically dead.
but im just really not in the blogging kind of mood.
and i know i know. im also getting a little narcistic over there. allow me a little indulgence once in a while :p
...busy busy busy. im in hall for the weekdays even during the hols! :S

cheerleading is really dangerous. i fell flat on my face.
fortunately i didnt break my nose or knocked out my front teeth. sustained some scratches and slight bruise on the eye and lip.
but all is fine now :) BUT the very next day...my roomie sprained her ankle!
cheerleading..dont play play.

went to scout for costumes today with gavin.
i realised ive really become a hermit stuck in NTU.
BUGIS had some MAJOR changes! the food court has shifted to the previous "edge" and the basement is now full of YUMMY YUMMY FOOOOOOD.
as usual. i had to try more than one store.

mmm..taiwan fan tuan. not bad at all!

also had some korean street food. sigh dont mind going to korea again. hmm.

lastly went for the queen of queens event with my dearest bestie last night at st james powerhouse. i had to book my busy bestie in advance. HOT IN DEMAND LAR! and she gave her virgin clubbing experience to..MEEEEEEE ! :D:D:D

we received free cornettos the first thing we stepped in. a few more steps and we were offered free drinks. WOOTS. being the cheapo that i am, i courteously took all. muahhaha. *humble laugh* eh not good to reject leh. HAHA.
there were free manicures and photoshoot and makeovers too. but i didnt try any. not really interested. anyway..pictures!

credits to my happy :)

yuzhen the hot hot HOT tallie who danced like mad.

lastly..the irresistible gift from an irresistible someone. heh. love love.

okay that's all.

laziness sets in once more.

good luck to the boyfriend for the upcoming match!!!

mwwaaaaaah.

*i wonder who got the link between my title and the "long time no C". hrmm...haha!

last warning.

2007-12-03T20:57:00.000+08:00

STOP. using contents of my blog on me, analysing them to me and telling me what i should do.

dont cross the line.

head. ache.

2007-12-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

i cant remember the last time i cried because of physical pain
today i did. not exactly cry, but teared quite a bit.
all thanks to THREADING.

hell it's painful!!!
all you sadist should really try it.

FEP with wormie last sat
FEP with jadey thur
FEP with myself today
FEP mon for haircut
FEPFEPFEP. im sick of FEP ALR!

off to finish my book :)

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray

GIVE ME BACK HAPPY.

2007-11-28T03:19:00.000+08:00

let's talk.

but then again. i have nothing to say. maybe nothing nice to say, to be precise.
what's this annoying crap im feeling these days?
i want it to go away! SHOOOOOOooooooooooo. urk.

call me idiotic but sometimes i get a bit nostalgic. on what? here's the annoying part: of being hopelessly depressed because of... here's the other annoying part: love.
it might actually have developed into a habit in the past. like it was a perfectly natural and normal thing to always be emomomo. yea something that has grown into me. and suddenly i broke free of it and get to enjoy happiness for an unbelievably long lasting period. and it felt good. but strangely unfamiliar. & sometimes being happy all the time makes happiness underrated and ....normal.
& strangely enough, sometimes i actually miss feeling sad a bit. perhaps just to experience the highs and lows of life once more. or maybe im just a drama queen and i prefer life with its occasional doses of drama. or maybe i just wanna feel sad to feel happiness at its best.

i think im just annoying because all these is extremely uncalled for.

so anyhow, i really feel like crap these days. like really really! haha! that all-too-familiar feeling is back! rejoice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT.
i dont want it back! at all. just a little bit of it and im thoroughly sick of it alr. so there, i dont want sad drama! i dont want the lows! i dont need all these to feel over the moon!
i hate this feeling!
uncalled for uncalled for uncalled forrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

GIVE ME BACK MY HAPPY!

ARGHHHHHHH!!!

i am so annoying. :) <-------now watch me disfigure & destroy that bloody smiley like im ripping a piece of paper apart, then rummaging through the debris searching for even the smallest piece possible to shred and shred and shred and SHREDDDDD to remove every teeny weeny trace of it from this earth. there can be not even the slightest hint of its pathetic existence!

i am so violent, sick and sadistic.
:(

ARGHHHHHHHH WHATEVER.
just...GIVE ME BACK MY HAPPY!!!!!!
$#^%$^#@$%!!

2007-11-28T00:06:00.000+08:00

one hour at parkway parade and 80 over bucks gone.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i hate myself!
and none of the 80 was spent on clothes! WTH!

give me back my money!!!
i need a job that yields 80 per hour!

imma TALENT.

2007-11-27T19:53:00.000+08:00

lookie!

CAESAR SALAD!

proudly prepared by yours truly.

hehehehehe HEH!

imma good cook :D

off to parkway

IM SO LAZYYYY
grr.

BYE.

to gain immunity

2007-11-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

been watching huanhuanai lately. & crying my eyes swollen because of it!

& i have a bad flu. bahh. what luck. but i think it's probably good luck. because i fell sick only after the exams :)

busted 200 over bucks yest at fep. i am broke. and sick. and tired.

good night.

just bend the pieces till they fit, like they were made for it.

2007-11-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

this is so so so yesterday. haha

kaiwei's bdae celebration at traders hotel on someday i cant remember when.

haha. anyway he treated us. nice. :)

i ate like a pig. as usual sigh.

2007-11-22T21:20:00.000+08:00

RETAIL THERAPY @ Nanyang Mart

with my roomie.

NTU's very own shopping centre.

i only want that raspberry shortbread.

it's so pretty hehe

tastes pretty damn good too.

girls suck.

2007-11-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

1530 22nd Nov marks the end of sem 1.
im supposed to be happy-->exhilarated--->ecstatic..whatever you can name.
but im not.
& that kinda suck. because i want to be happy. simple as that.

i feel so....lost?
no not because i miss mugging alr as stated in my stupid nick. i dont miss mugging one bit. i prefer sitting here lazy surfing around the net.
im thinking about IHG. about how come people like to bother you when you dont ever step on their toes. about how i miss my friends. about how ive come to today. how my life for the past few months just revolved around my roomie and my boyfriend. every single day. not that im sick of it, i dont think i'll ever be because i love them loads.

did i ever mention im glad to have zixian as my roomie? haha. at first i was a bit doubtful, cause i was afraid of personality clashes and disagreements. but hell no, none of that happened. in fact it was the other way round, great company, compromises and a gossip venue coupled with heart-to-heart talks through the night.

anyway back to my point. "not that im sick of it yadayada.." but zx mentioned "i miss tj" and it suddenly occurred to me how routine and boring my life has been. maybe it's the exams. yea it IS because of the exams. hrmm need some love now. i wanna be happy, crazy and high! maybe it's the headache. bugger. paracetamol. nah. i actually dont eat panadols la. haha.

wow my dear roomie just packed her stuff. so neat?!?! omg something new.....
next up...revitalise the softboard?!
hahaha!

"when you feel like hope is gone..look inside you and be strong.."
:(

during the exam period, all i could think of was all the post-exam plans
and now. i feel far too lazy to go about doing any of them.
im so weak. :

sigh im not a friendly person. im usually not very keen to start a conversation unless im really close to you. or unless im really chirpy and talkative and cranky that day. or unless i really really really like you. or unless i make an effort to. yea im just a too living-in-your-own-world kind of person. make an effort to.....talk to people. maybe i should do that more often. haha.

urgh im hungry.

& i really want to be happy.
and be inspired.
and not be judged.
and be a better & nicer person.
and to excel in something.
and to have a super hot body. (HAhahahahaha!)

i think it's the headache.
dont ask me anything.

overdue post

2007-11-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

2007-11-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

because you dont matter to me. anymore.

Cab Blogging

2007-11-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

It’s 5.05pm now and im on my way back to hall. Yea on a Saturday afternoon,
Oooo I just passed by the giant ferris wheel. Maybe I can take it after the exams. Hrmm.
Maybe I can go shopping at far east after the exams. And also maybe I can finally stay home and watch 10 hours of TV after exams.
Tempting. Very dreamy. Well two more weeks. These are visions not too far away :)

Many a time, I had the urge to blog. But about very random stuff that don’t really matter. So I decided not to since it’ll waste too much time.
Now instead of sleeping in the cab, I shall blog! Consolidate all the random things that ran through my random mind these few days and create a very random post! (i wonder how long the labels for this post are gonna be..hrmm)

1. I went home to find 3 new comics! And 2 Bleach! MY FAV! Ahh. How to resist? I told myself not to read them until the end of exams, yet another post-exam dream.
But I finished those 2 bleach anyway, when I went for daddy’s birthday dinner. hEHEHE.

2. Friday was my daddy’s birthday. Went to ECP to eat on Thursday night. Had “xiao hong lou” cause Jumbo’s queue was erm magnificient. Haha
The crab was DAMN GOOD. Mmm….someday after exams, maybe we can do it again. Hrmmhrmm..

anyway bought daddy nice liqour chocolate. so cool right. i think ange loves it alot? :p

on his birthday... daddy cooked dinner for us! HAHA. it was a spread! i love it! Homecooked food! :D

3. meanwhile my mother and I went to parkway parade for some shopping and shoe repair.
In the midst of exams preparation, I went shopping. A divine waste of time and money. Definitely unforgivable. But oh well what’s done’s done.
So I got a new top from topshop. What! I had 20 dollars worth of voucher and there’s a deadline attached to them. I had to find something to buy from topshop!
And I settled for a $83 top. Again. I question is it worth it and rational to buy an 83 bucks top just like that, from top shop. No actually, not very worth it. But mummy was already paying while I was debating with myself, and so be it. I need to go to fareast, to get more stuff with $83. Grumbles.

Wow the cab is fast. I feel like puking.

4. I haven’t been very constructive these few days. And at home I am treated like royalty. :D
I keep getting fed by my parents and I never ever get scolded for anything! Of course it’s also due to the fact that im a very good daughter heh.
Daddy’s birthday cake is a chocolate cake. A very nice chocolate cake. And it’s in the fridge. And I couldnt stop thinking about it whenever im studying. So you see me make very frequent trips to the kitchen, nibble nibble nibble. Haha.
AH I’m a pig. Infinitesimal self-control on food. Indeed.

5. Check this out. My dan bai bf’s toilet is full of freebies from goody bags. Hahaha. Half of them are probably contributions from my roomie and i. LOL.

6. Around a year ago, while preparing for A-levels, shimin and wormie came to my house to “study”. I took a short nap and woke to find post it notes all over my room. Machiam playing cluedo, looking for “clues” all over the place. Today, a year later, one post-it note survives. The one on the door.

I miss the old days and I miss my friends.

If you see a lot of bangla roaming the streets, you know you’re in Jurong. Yea “Jurong West”, bingo~
Just a while more, my dan bai bf is near. :)

7. On Thursday morning, I woke up and decided to prepare for myself 2 half-boiled eggs for breakfast.
THEY TURNED OUT PERFECT.

Sigh~ be proud..The one I ate at the coffee shop cant even compare. *smirks*

8. Ive been thinking…I can name you 101 things I cant stand about my mother and the number of times I get irritated with her is infinite.
But the amount of love I have for her is immeasurable and beyond words. I guess that’s the true meaning of unconditional love.
And I guess I probably can name 9945674369604 things I love about my mother. But even if I cant and can only name 10, the amount of love remains.

I want to love you like that. :)

Oh am I reaching NTU alr? Cool.
Just in time for me to puke.

GRADES-sensitivity

2007-11-08T12:49:00.000+08:00

i am portrayed as the slacker. the one who doesnt study. the one who sleeps and oversleeps alot. the one who plays a lot. the one who skips lessons a lot.

and when i get A for my first stats quiz and A+ for my second stats quiz, i get comments like "you got study say you never study!" and "aiya you dont need to study also can get A one la".

they may just be casual remarks from friends but i believe they are emerging perceptions of me.

pretty disturbing. i dont think i did say i didnt study for my stats quiz? i did do my tutorials for this quiz. just not on time. just last minute.

i remember ys used to tell me that ycr commented that i changed and became super hardworking/mugger in JC. super hardworking&mugger?--->not true if observations are made based on just the 2 years in JC and if comparisons are made with JC people. however, extremely true if comparisons are made with my last 2 years in DHS (because i was a true blue play & sleep-hard "student" in secondary school).

I guess that's the problem with people. Not really a problem, just the natural cognitive structure of the human mind. From the start of university life, i havent been turning up at tutorials with my work done or reading the textbook until recently and before stats quizzes. and i do complain about not studying and all that, like every student does. and i skip a hell lot of lessons. hahaha.

Friends' perceptions of me as a slacker were probably reinforced by all these factors. And when i get A for stats, they think i lied when i said i didnt study :(. when in fact i didnt say i didnt study! i just didnt say i did my tutorials. you didnt ask! and im not even close to some!

so now i announce to the whole wide world...I DID DO MY TUTORIALS FOR THE 2ND STATS QUIZ. (just like many others! and yea just not on time.. like all you people! why fault me for that?) hahahaha. no im not angry or offended. just you know...thinking and wondering and yea. a bit affected. :p

aiya.

self-consciousness.

go away lar.

my boyfriend is a dan bai :)

2007-10-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

every sunday my daddy cooks up a feast for the family
it may be due to my rare presence at home. hehe.
yesterday i woke up in the afternoon to this....

ROJAK!

i was surprised and deeply impressed with my daddy. how creative!
it doesnt only look nice, it tastes great too, really. hehe.
and dinner was as usual..quite a spread :)
i love homecooked food.
& my daddy loves to cook.

... & rollerblade.

HAHAHA.

lately my dad bought a pair of rollerblades from his friend and he has been blading to and fro the house EVERY sunday. well i dont know bout the weekdays, im only home on the weekends. and i gotta say my daddy is not only an independent learner, he's also a fast learner. AH...like me..it's all in the genes i suppose. :) anyhow, my dad's current obessession with rollerblading is quite funny and very amusing. and he says he really wants to go blading with me. :) someday perhaps, after the exams. sigh.

when i went to a senior's room to collect a t-shirt design, i saw a huge wilber pan wei bo's poster at his toilet door. a little amused, i was. i thought only girls like such male idols?

and then last night when my dad drove me back to hall, i saw ANOTHER huge wilber pan wei bo's poster on the wall of some random hall 1 guy's room. : so....guys like wpwb (initials. his name is far too long)?

maybe wpwb's coming concert in NTU will be flooded with males! hahaha! i wonder how wpwb will feel..hrmm..shiok that he's the idol of the same sex? (which is a status pretty hard to attain in my opinion. it's harder to appeal to the same sex than the opposite. right? yes you agree with me.) or sian that all his love songs are sung to a whole bunch of guys and he has no pretty girls to look at while singing? & maybe implying his low sex appeal and charisma to females..

personally i do find wpwb pretty good looking. he managed to lose 13kg (i think) for his new album. he stops eating after 6pm and runs everyday at 12am. impressive. great determination. how to lose man. i admire all these dieting and (crazy) weight-losing experts!

oh here's what my group does during OB seminars- mini (unhealthy) Picnics.
that's why i say i admire those dieters. how can they resist all the food available in the world? especially when it's placed right before them, like in OB semiars.

off to catch some sleep maybe.
and then back to work :(
seeing people mugging like mad in NBS scares me like crazy.
for a while. -__- because i try not to think about how much i am lagging behind like crazy.

of MSN nick, book & perfume

2007-10-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

lo and behold!

while doing IT project i discovered that Tess Gerritsen has written a new book!

OMG I MUST GET MY HANDS ON IT! well after the bloody exams.

hrmm hrmm. cant wait

on a particular sunday night, actually last sunday
i received a small package under my towel. :)

Estee Lauder Pleasures Delight from the boyfriend.

:D :D :D :D :D

What more can i ask for?

(except to get all info of IT, OBD, Marketing, Stats into my head without any work.)
hah. greed. :p
IT KILLS!!!

you can do it x 93487582354

2007-10-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

i gotta tell myself
IT is nothing. i can overcome it.
just leisure read and i will get it.
OBD is nothing either. Marketing too.
just read and all will be fine.

argh. studying is seriously not one of my forte.

STUDY HARD.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.

je t'aime @ 5am

2007-10-22T11:31:00.000+08:00

The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them.

There ought to be as many for love.

oh well, we all do grow up.

2007-10-20T05:29:00.000+08:00

when i first saw it, i wasnt angry or pissed or sad or disappointed or whatsoever
let's just say, i didnt feel the way i used to when similar situations occurred.
because it's all too typical and predictable of you. and ive grown out of it.
you're not the boss in me. no more.

i was guilty too. haha.
far more guilty i bet. and my words, my actions, i deeply regret.
from some day this year, i told myself never to commit the same mistakes.
and i will cherish and treat whoever deserves it right :)

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

-----------------------------------------------------------

i did stats tutorial 7! WOOTS.
like finally after procrastinating for 10000 years. phew.
many more to go sigh.

major shortage of time.
yuck.

speaking to angelinetanyanling sure brightened me up.
doesnt matter at all if it distracted me from my tutorial. hehehe. :p
time to catch some sleep!

2007-10-17T02:26:00.000+08:00

under my skin

2007-10-16T03:42:00.000+08:00

Lin Xinyi

you're not perfect and you can never be.

stop chasing after perfection. it's far beyond your reach.

but im not really chasing after it actually.

i just keep wishing i could be perfect and get all frustrated thinking about my imperfections.

see, that's the thing that makes all these whinings nonsensical and thoroughly redundant: i dont chase. i fret and get sad.

what a waste of time and energy and good mood.

to feel good about myself. to feel comfortable in my own skin. to increase my self-esteem. to be confident of myself. to be disciplined. to turn words into actions and go about getting things done/ achieving goals. determination.

there's always a way out.

make it happen.

P.S. i am so predictable isnt it? haha.

back with a vengeance? not really la.

2007-10-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

when i woke up in your room to find myself staring at you

i dont know why but i had a sudden panic/worry that someday we'll fall out of love with each other

i'll never wish for that to happen, in fact i dread it to bits.

i wanna love you for as long as possible :)

i guess it's paranoia again, due to past experiences and the cynic ive become

afterall ive been in and out of relationships with these 2 guys.

one who brought me immeasurable ~~love~~ hurt, another was a case of mismatch, a mystery that till now i still cant figure out why we can never get along. or can i say i can never get along with.

it's irritating isnt it? being a paranoid. it saddens you sometimes and it tires the people around you, unnecessarily. i dont wanna be a paranoid. i dont wanna be a burden. there im worrying excessively again. afraid of being a burden. afraid of being an irritant. argh, it's a vicious cycle!

i didnt knew my past r/s would have such a deep yet subtle effect on me. only at times when i think back on what i just did or question why i behave the way i do, did i realise what a significant impact 2 years of unhealthy r/s has done to me.

i shouldnt blame, but it's hard not to. but actually, i'm not really blaming. sometimes i just wish i've seen and experienced less of the vice of relationships..i could be less cynical, less afraid of falling out of love....could be...but not for sure.

i know i'll probably be a worrier sometimes, still. i wont push the blame for that.

actually i think i probably made you a paranoid too. haha. my bad.

i am just rambling and rambling. pardon me if i dont make sense k. heh. dont take it to heart..

hrmm..actually a part of me is pretty glad that you did what you did (haha) and left me with no choice but to leave. because without your deed, i'll most probably still be wallowing in the horrid past. without you, i dont think i'll be able to appreciate how great a guy my bf is, how lucky a girl i am.

wah i talk to TYL until dunno what to type alr.

ahhaha

cyas im so screwed up academically. :(

over the moon still :D

& is my entry very mushy? hrmm hahah.

apologies.

i'm not sorry

2007-10-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

i cant take it no more.

haha. seriously, enough already.

there's no world outside

2007-10-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

ive seen thee and thou art enough

tired.
project presentations are like neverending
pukes.
just had supper. again. sigh.
people. you need. to. stop. feeding. me.

6 dishes at chomp chomp for 2.
"pretty scary.."

and..

am i losing my friends because of this?
seems like it.
2 down..1 more to go? hopefully not.
sigh. what a pity.

chupachups

2007-09-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

-28sept
I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.

cute. very cute. hahaha.

im about halfway through my OBD 12 pages essay. (yea i know. 12 pages sounds too exaggerated to be true.)

stats quiz carries a GROSS weightage of TWENTY PERCENT. ---> wtf?

let's hope it's really 20% for 2 quizzes as interpreted by TYL.

marketing project almost done. just some additional slides and the organising of at least 40 slides. yea you didnt see wrong. FORTY! hahahaha! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

reccess week was not reccess-y at all. like wormie said, university is akin to mini a levels!

come monday, it'll be like prelims for me. just MUCH MUCH less prepared and needing a hell lot of luck to pull me through.

come thursday, it'll be post-prelim break. which will probably last for hrm...3 days? awesome.

is your hatred for school slowly emerging too? or maybe escalating?

BIGSIGH.

i want to SHOP! after "prelims", im gonna shop till i drop with my mum on sat. remind me to go home in the afternoon on sat!

i want to do a manicure! it's been so long since i last had my beautiful long nails painted. SIGH~ BIMBO.

i want to buy my running shoes! i've been procrastinating since 2 or 3 weeks ago. unbelievable. must get it next wed!

i want to read! not textbooks or notes please. i want to read storybooks and novels. :( i miss the feeling of being lost in time and space while reading.

BIGSIGH! cant wait for thursday :)

oh ya, hockey training on thursday too. awesome.

ok hope it'll be fun and i wont die.

DESPITE all of the above shit from university life,

i do sound and look happy and gay dont i?

non-inclusive of the occassional paranoia and stress-filled panick attacks

yea life will be good with my wonderwall. :)

AIM: WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD!

overused but still apt!
haha. this post is more like a reminder to myself of what ive done and what i gotta do.
erm. oops?

Lastly. 28th Sept: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIANG SHIMIN AGAIN AND AGAIN! MUACKS LOVE LOVE! meet up and celebrate soon we WILL! :D and i miss HK with you and co. terribly! Hope you had a great bdae :D

I HATE SCHOOL.

2007-09-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

AB103 Statistics: QUIZ TUT 1-6. Monday.
AB112 Marketing: Assessed Presentation. Monday.
AB113 IT: QUIZ SEM 1-6. Wednesday.
AB105 OBD: Stupid whatever essays. Tuesday.

ARGH!!!!
I WANT TO DIE.
FUCK!

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

2007-09-24T14:37:00.001+08:00

hey it's 2.38pm and i just woke up
from something pretty haunting, something turning history.
i was back to how it felt like when i was seventeen
cold, afraid, angry, taken forgranted, very alone.
i didnt quite picture you in my dreams, maybe i havent seen you for too long.
but everything that happened
was without a doubt, what you used to do to me.
the endless waitings in your room
the cold treatment which i'll never wish to relive
my exit from your house alone, trying but always failing to control the tears
and now i recall the long quiet walks along the streets of tampines
how people stop and stare at this sniffing, tearful girl. hahaha.
i cant believe i dreamt of something so yesterday.
i woke up feeling so damn hurt and so confused and...i just started to cry.
"haunting"- that was the first word that came to me
and for a moment, i was really lost. in time and memory.
maybe we ended everything in a bad note and the last thing i felt was pain.
and now, the bitter moments seem to appear more vivid than the good times.

it took me a while to pull myself back to september 2007.
where you're not the man in my life anymore. (but still, thanks for the memories, both the good and the bad. ive learnt a lot.)
where there's someone else.
someone who never makes me cry.
who made me smile and laugh so hard i forgot how it feels like to hurt so much.
who's always always there for me no matter what.
who denys me the "joy" of travelling alone. hahaha.
ok enough. listing will be neverending and too sugary it'll be diabetic. hahaha!
a new beginning.
i can, i want to and i will do this.
:)

2007-09-21T06:16:00.000+08:00

free fall

click.

2007-09-18T01:53:00.000+08:00

sigh.

im sorry.

stop it xinyi.
quit being a spoiler.

happy thoughts.
happy thoughts.

2007-09-16T17:25:00.000+08:00

a pain in the ass.

what's wrong with all these guys today

argh.

"you're more than okay"

2007-09-15T13:19:00.001+08:00

pretty good. life has been pretty good :)
of course non-inclusive of the sad fact that i am still at tutorial 1 for all modules. but i try to keep that buried somewhere deep in my mind. sigh.
pageant's officially O-V-E-R! no more eating away too much of my time!
BUT i am still constantly in need of more time. ask me why...i think it's the many distractions in hall.

i NEED to buck up. badly. :(
and of course, self-discipline. sigh.

ahh. wrongwrongwrong.
i wasnt suppose to talk about how pathetic i am in terms of school work.
anyway dnd was not bad. i got a consolation :p hall queen xt and king yonghow!
i sorta expected the outcome and im really lazy to upload the pics.
hahahaha. and i am having yet another headache.
anyway, pageant was really and truly a great new experience. am really lucky to be part of it. :)

after dnd, each og went to their respective hotel rooms. LUKA shared with birken.
and early in the morning at 5am, we got chased out of Meritus Mandarin hotel room.
LOL. can you believe it? so disgusting. getting chased out at 5am. rendered all of us homeless.
THIS KIND LEH!
but still, i had a great night. :)
so true..it's really the people present that matters most.

the best,the largest, the heaviest, the prettiest bouquet ive ever received.

it's currently dying slowly in my hall. i refuse to untie that ribbon to maybe try and prolong the life of the lilies and roses a bit. you know by putting it in a vase. every single bit of the bouquet is just too perfect. i simply cannot bear to "dismantle" it and destroy my memory of it! hahaha! so there, it's dying quickly but beautfully (still. heh) in my dear hall room. but no worries, i took 10 000 pictures of it for rememberance. yup that's what pictures are for :D

i must comment that huanzhi and dean are no different from KIDS!
ahhahaha! army can really do wonders. put huanzhi and dean together and you'll get amazed at how 19 year old guys can become so kiddy. i think the main cause is huanzhi though. HAHAH :p
please dont kill me. nevertheless, the morning call i received did brighten up my day and made me laugh quite a bit. maybe one day we can ALL go out together ya? wahahhaha. will be hilarious.

i think im a little bit of a paranoid.
sometimes i think too much of what-ifs. especially when it comes to the fragility of life.
i always make it a point to visit my grandmother every so often. lately ever since uni started, i havent been having dinner at my grandma's place for quite a while. ive always been really afraid of losing her. some day the inevitable will occur i know, i just hope it'll come very very very very very extremely supremely late. i went to HK and bought her a bracelet that blesses one with good health, superstitious me i know, but better there than never. haha. today i finally had the time to eat at my grandma's! i took pictures with ah gong ah ma. hahaha!

zhu ah gong ah ma chang ming bai sui!

supremely shagged.
time to catch up on my tutorials.
SIGH.
i hate it!

2007-08-30T02:19:00.000+08:00

it's 2.10am and i just got back from my pageant training.
shiok shiok.
HAHA. no. NOT SHIOK.
but alright. training today was okay.

no lessons on friday.
whee!

bash on saturday.
:( please give me all your luck people.
esp for QnA. :(
sian i hate QnA!

bye.

ten thousand photos

2007-08-27T12:11:00.000+08:00

Just for laughs.

haha. anyway that's sunblock.

NBS DND 2007

Adeline the princess!!

Ray :)

suan yi and alan. acting fierce.

yew kuan my tut grp mate.

Ying chun :)

JASON! (hong jing actually)

WEILONGlonglonglonglong :D

LUKA @ Fashion Bar & MINDS Cafe

SYNDRO after camp & zouk

Shulili & Eugene!

MY BUDDY. MY LOVE.

cute cute sabrina.

The Ban Outing 2007

just one pic. haha. not really an outing for me though :p

bon voyage ban.!

LUKA @ JASH

eyeLionel my dear CGL. :)

Huilin and Jialiang :):)

during hall camp @ sentosa toilet

spastic.

SYNDRO @ kenji's surprise farewell

sab. yuzhen. shuli.

Hall Pageant Photoshooot

my partner. my sp. mickey :)

gavin & chenni

Yeehan :)

xiangting :)

jadey! <3

the theme of this year's hall dnd is fairy tale. and in case you still dont know, i am snow white. LOL. yea laughlaughlaugh. the other girls wear very princessyly. i had 2 choices, either snow white or another pink dress. they told me to go for snow white, go ke ai lu xian. LOL. so there.

cya peeps! i ponned all my lessons today. unwise.

going under

2007-08-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

i need some love.

haha. yea really.

i feel so overwhelmed with all the school work that i didnt do at all and pageant trainings.

i want some free time to slp and catch up with my dear friends.

i wanna watch secret. but i really cant find any time for that.

i think im falling sick. hrm. haha

learnt a new dance today. my brain was so dead i found it difficult to memorise the steps.

couldnt wait to return to my room and talk to my friend.

and i came back to find out that my dear roomie has gone home.

hrm nvm. i can emo for the whole night. haha.

sigh bye.

where i belong

2007-08-19T16:28:00.000+08:00

life.
has been extremely hectic. haha.
uni life.
is of play.outings.drinking.printing of notes.losing of sleep.getting lost in campus.not being able to meet up with friends outside NTU.camping on ADD/DROP but never ever being able to get my 00276 :(. finally getting my own lappie :). dance/catwalk trainings. my virgin experience of trying on fairy tale costumes for free :D. being the only one in class to be ignorant of tutorial hmk/preparations. due to too much trainings and play. play. play.

so many things have been going on in my life and due to me not updating regularly, it's impossible to put everything in one post.
this post is mainly to let me recall what happened for my first few steps into uni life. my extremely hectic uni life. :) (so mostly in point forms)

all in all:
I NEED MORE THAN 24 HOURS IN A DAY!

SYNDRO
NBS camp was fun. i love syndro. :)
velvet dragon during camp.
zouk outing.
party world karaoke session.
pageant preview at St James.
how long can all these last?
let's hope for the best. :)
& i love my buddy. josephine. grossephine. dirty girl. hao se. haha!
i so badly wanna be in the same semiar as her! 00276. :( sadly it can never be MINE. :'(

LUKA
Hall 2 camp was not bad too.
boy am i lucky (i shld be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky) to be in Hall 2 by random selection.
it's the best non air-con hall. happening. good looking ppl. we have the nanyang mart. hairdresser that i'll nv patronise. the BEST canteen and everyday i gotta eat there even if im in nbs cause my tutorial grp and syndro always wanna eat at can 2 :. & my walk to sch is only 10-15 mins! centralised location. hehe.
LUKA @ Minds Cafe was fun. the bone game made me lose my voice AGAIN. and celebration of jeremy's and huilin's bdae. huilin's HOT. HAHAHA.
LUKA @ fashion bar was alright. 14 ppl. jeremy's bdae + i finally saw "waterfall"! nice. vpretty.
bak kut teh after that. and home at 5am. BAH.

PAGEANT
being in pageant is a good experience. dancing is actually fun! but i wouldnt daresay i dance fantabulously. haha. catwalking is not bad too. a new experience really. and it's fun to hang out with pageant ppl. and i love our nanny :) haha. cause he's the one who made it all so fun and happening. but also. SHAGGED.
pageant @ fashion bar = total madness. and free photos! whee! and free nice photos at that :D
pageant @ indo chine = getting super duper tipsy. man CHIVAS is stronggggggg. thank you da bing (GAVIN). THANKS. thanks a lot. whahahaha.
and se-ba-si-tien (SEBAS) lol! and i have a v nice partner mickey. :D cause he doesnt bully me like the others. yay. 3 cheers.

BAN OUTING 07
ok i dont have much to saybout that because i dont htink i can actually say im involved in it. lol.
had to meet syndro for dinner and bash. i thought it was kenji's farewell that's why. SIGH.
but anyhow finally got to meet ban and see if he has changed and also returned his money. lol.
ban..not so skinny and kiddy anymore. lol. good! and he's like a seasoned old man. hahaha!
and finally saw my lee longyu! woots. HOT STUFF EH. HAHAHA. oh and met longyu by chance at clark quay when i was with pageant ppl. finally saw qilin and susan in person! hahaha. yay.

ANGELINE TAN YAN LING
I WANT TO MEET YOU BADLY. but it's so hard when im stuck in PULAU NTU.
soon soon. let's see how. :)

i miss my besties. sometimes i get so low when im alone in my room and i want so much for them to be here with me. i guess although with all this hype in my life and all these new friends to have fun with, i still feel best and most loved around my besties. when i met up with wormie i felt so relaxed and loved after that. haha. luckily wormie is in NTU. sigh.
i love and miss you: LEE LONG YU. ANGELINE TAN YAN LING. ANGELINE GOH JIA YING!

i am so full of shit.

2007-07-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

AHHHHH I AM SO MOODY
or as poh says.EMO EMO EMOOO.
save me! hahahaha. ok let's see i NEED to shop. like tomorrow. but nobody go with me! :(
wed zouk. thur hair cut + bbq. fri ..? aiya nvm.
I AM SO SADDDDDDDDD.
wahhahahaha. i wonder if i can forge strong friendship bonds with the people in my og. i hope so? i want a group of friends like that in 13/05 where we can meet up and have fun with.
i dont want it to be just girls. i want a mixture of both genders.
i wonder...will it happen?
bless me!

and YOU! you you you you YOU!
why do you keep slipping into my mind these 2 days. grr.
even in my dreams you appear with such a traumatizing plot.
my ex with my bestie?!?! wtf?!?!
HAHAHHAHA. too traumatizing. me yet to recover from the unbelievable nightmare.

yesterday on the way home we met this spain 17 year old kid on a wheelchair. travelling around the world alone. yea you didnt see wrong. alone. wheelchair. 17 year old.
RESPECT. utmost respect for him. i took a picture with him :D hehehe. now i have a young shuai angmoh ~~boy~~friend! alright jk. he's called...Albert i think.
so anyway we lead him to parkway parade and then to the underpass to ECP. sigh.
what kind souls we are. :p he's gonna sleep in a hammock (spelling?). which immediately reminded me of my SP (secret pal)! hahaha. he slept in one too for the first night of camp. at sentosa. cool eh?

albert asked what was "f you" in chi. that caught us both.
hrm what is it? "ta ma de?"
hahaha. right?

shoppping shopping.
TAMADE nobody shop with me tomorrow!
arghh...
TAMADE. byebye la.

rja- damn regret.

2007-07-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

is this the end?
the long awaited closure?

"is there anything else still with me?"
doesnt seem to be.
but i just couldnt say no.
we were once a part of each other. have i withdrawn every remaing part of myself from you completely?
i should. and i have to. because this is it.
we've both given up this fight eventually.
my wound too deep. your regrets far too late.
what a pity. you were my everything. haha.
not anymore xinyi. not anymore. so stop the tears.
dont reminisce.
i'll pull through. the worst is over.
yea. sounds like closure.

people expect me to be over it alr.
to be strong. i wonder if i lived up to those expectations.
i think i did. but times like this, i wonder why i still crumble inside.
too rush i guess. sorry but tonight. im not okay.
it f-ing hurts. sigh.
but then again, we all know i'll be up and well by tmr.
wont you xinyi?
yea yea yea.
im the cool chilli padi girl.

2007-07-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

stop it xinyi.
stop being so frank.
you really have to stop it.
honesty is NOT the best policy.

this gets worse especially in the night.
i dont know why im becoming more and more straightforward a person.

2007-07-15T01:41:00.000+08:00

BIG SIGH.

firm. waver. firm. waver. waver. waver.
tired and low.

orientation camp briefing today. more like bonding.
i thought it was alright. in fact not bad.
hope everything goes well.
and turns out i can just flip flop in my slippers for the whole camp.
say yay.

hectic hectic weekend.
argh.
supremely tired.
and too many too many things running through my tired mind.
i want PEACE!

i love my chivas bag

2007-07-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

let's see...

bummed around at home for practically the whole week.
resulting in me becoming lazier and lazier and lazier.
no more laziness. because come monday...orientation camp! must say although ive been lamenting a lot bout it with sighs and "sian..", i am actually quite excited about it too ! am also glad that at least there's a familiar face in my group..shuli. and a nice familiar face at that :D
i always thought making new friends in a pair or a group is much easier than doing it alone.
well that's for me. cause haha i am actually very shy. dont laugh. i am really very shy. hahahahha!
and what's more, i look so dao and unfriendly and people love to judge. so i lose at the starting line.
my running shoes are pretty torn and im speculating that ill probably need one for camp activities like amazing race. which means to say i must get a new pair of shoes this weekend. argh! i also have to settle the tuition grant thing. arghhh! i am so lazy!

i got jinnie to help me get krispy kremes (HINT HINT YCR). she's coming back today (Sat). oh crap. which means to say i gotta get it from her at the airport. ahh. my sat schedule is so damn TIGHT. not to worry. i am afterall PSYCHIC. i will slowly go forsee and unravel the happenings of my beloved weekend :) and then plan ahead!

hrm i think i will fail. i am afterall. a last minute psychic. sigh.
must gain enlightenment.

i think reading ban's blog has made me blog very randomly. haha. talking about which, i talked to ban last night. like finally. yea im glad we conversed. but also shocked to realise how cynical he has become. hrm ppl aint that bad lar. haha. amd dont analyse every single word i say or take them so seriously! i dont think ur that full of pride. chill chill.

today i am a happy late (oops) girl.
of sandwiches, korean sweets and sashimi. i am happy :D

wonder why i only uploaded like 3 pics of HK? lol. cause all the other pics are scattered around (i meant with angeline and shimin and jinnie) and also in my new camera. ok i bought a new camera at HK. they say it's cheaper and jinnie's uncle was there to help..so there...a new GOOD camera :D which reminds me, i gotta go check out the prices in Singapore. for comparison.hehehe.

SO anyway. i cant upload the pics because..HAHAHA. my hard disk has insufficient space for me to install the software. HAHAHAHAHAHA! NOOB. i know i know.
which brings me to another bugging thing-to-do.

I WANT MY LAPPIE A-SAP.

i dont really crave for it. i actually am very happy with this com. CEPT for the fact of insufficient hard disk space. which is pretty damn and far too NOOB. i am an IT pro ok. i need a good com. :) k bluff. i wonder when will i be on the same level as wormie for lying about useless, rubbish and extremely unnecessary stuff. hrmmm....

ok today i was happy. but tonight i am abit confused and sad and regretfully...sad about stuff that hurt me. stuff that i can never put a closure to. stuff that i shld have alr make a stand but unfortunately waver again. sigh. i know you dont understand what the hell im talking about. haha. nvm it's not meant to be understood.

i cant wait for huanhuanai's vcd to be released in sg! hehehehe.
i will not be tempted to watch it on the micro screen of youtube. with occasional lags and blurry images. so stop tempting me poh hz. it's worth the wait. hehe. but i have no time anyway. hahaha.

wow a super long and disgustingly random post. haha. gosh ban's way of blogging is contagious.
but i cannot win him. but i am ok with not winning him. eh i am not saying you blog disgustingly ah. you blog funnily. haha.

im quite bothered with the "not good friends anymore". i know it's true. but..dunno what to say.
just doesnt feel good when the truth is put into cold hard words.

i watched this show on horoscopes and fengshuis and all that.
TOP 3 horoscopes who do not confide in others easily.
1. Taurus
2. Cancer
3. Gemini
they were revealed in the reverse order. so at first when i say Gemini..LEE LONG YU! hahahhaha! then i thought hrmm yea the description matched hers. andi thought i'll never be in. but OMG. 2. CANCER. HAHAHHAA. i laughed in front of the tv. and then 1. Taurus. TAN WAN YING! hahaha. v funny but true.

the same thing happened for the qns : TOP # HOROSCOPES WHO ARE EASILY CHEATED BY GUYS. sthg along those lines.
i forgot whether it was top 3 or top5, and my mum's horo, capricon was first revealed. then i keep laughing at my mum saying "HAHA. MUMMY YOU LEH!" .
then along came CANCER. HAHAHA. and me went "EH ME LEH. Mummy i win you."
my mum's turn to laugh. and commented we're both stupid girls.

one week's full of junk just tumbled out into this entry.
i am sorry if you read the whole lot of crap. HAHAHA. but it has been a while isnt it?
off to watch xiaozhu on da xiao ai chi!
bye fei ju.

a sneak preview of HK 2007

2007-07-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

YUMCHAAAA Cha Cha :)

da di da di da di dadi DADIDADIDADIDADI

byebye!